A Day in the Life

It seems that finding time to post is getting more and more difficult, so I thought I would share with you all a day in the life of Pu so you can stop thinking evil thoughts every time you come back to this site to find that I have yet to update my blog.

0400 Wake up & work out
0500 Shower & get ready for work
0545 Make lunches for everyone & make sure C is up and getting ready for school
0600 Wake up J&A and get them ready for daycare (hair, clothes, diapers, teeth) & feed C breakfast
0630 Wake up Hubs and head out the door with J&A to drop them off at daycare
0700 Arrive at work
1600 Leave work & pick up J&A from daycare
1630 Arrive home & start dinner
1730 Feed family
1800 Give baths and put A to bed
1830 Get children dressed, make sure C has completed her homework, clean up
1900 Let C&J watch tv & relax w/Hubs
1930 Get C&J ready for bed (teeth, stories, snuggles)
2000 J to bed, C gets to watch 1 more hour of tv or finish her homework if it is not done, Hubs & I get to watch tv
2100 Sit on couch with eyes glazed over and drool escaping mouth as I am too tired to sit up anymore

Rinse and repeat

And How Was Your Day?

Stop hitting your brother;
don't push him down, either
Stop kicking him in the face!
Stop kicking him in the face!
Stop kicking him in the face!
Alex, stop putting the cat in your mouth. We do not eat live creatures!
No, don't try to chew on him either.
C, stop messing around with the cat and do your chores...
C to cat, "Mommy says I have to stop playing with you," five seconds pass, "I love you, kitty. Come play with me."

And how was your day?

Hubs Says Must Post

Works is crazy ya'lls. Sorry for not much posting (hmm, I sense a theme here) or commenting on other blogs. I work long hours, have three children and a poopin cat. Pity me! ;) The weekend was really nice though. It was 80 degrees and breezy, so we spent the whole weekend outside with the kids. I am super tan, yay :) Also, the Lakers just clinched the #1 spot in the West, and Hubs will seriously not shut up about it. Evidently the Dodgers are taking the Sabres spot in the shittin' it up department, and the Bills new schedule came out. We are hoping to go to two games this year, one in Denver and one in Arizona.

Hubs has finally found someone for his guitar fix. We are going to see Stephen Marley in a couple of weeks at the Sunshine Theater. I am going to join a soccer team in June (I was told that the league is "just for fun" so hopefully they won't care that I haven't played soccer in 15 years). And the kids are all nuts (A has 6 teeth!).

So, since I probably won't post again for another month or so ;) I am thinking of all of you, wondering what AinA really thought of China, if MR is still belly dancing or if she's just not posting about it as of late, how the de-Is are enjoying their cruise, if Susanne is ready to kill everyone who comments on how preggo she is (SO annoying!), if Laura is still swimming, how RM is enjoying Colorado, and what the BCD girls are cooking tonight...the list goes on!

A Cat Named ?

I know, I know, I haven't blogged in forever. Just to give you an update, Alex is sick with a flu-like virus that includes a shitty diaper full of diarhea every ten minutes (& the diaper rash to go with it), J is a maniac who needs to have my constant attention or else she will go into meltdown mode, C is doing much better with her school work (she's going to be tested for the gifted program & I hope that being challenged in class will help her pay attention more!), Hubs decided we didn't have enough children to take care of so he got us a kitten that the kids are incredibly enamored with, and in the last ten minutes alone I have shouted:
- Do not pick up the cat by its head!
- Who pooped?!
- The cat does not need to have its nose picked!
- Who pooped?!
- Don't touch that! Don't touch that! Don't touch that! (each iteration getting a little higher in pitch)
- Seriously, who pooped?!

So, that's my life right now in a nutshell. Hope you all are weathering the spring madness with equal calm ;)

Desert Mountains

Hubs and De-I hiking pics...

They're Rising Up Against Us

It seems that everyone I know with a toddler is suffering the same fate as of late. All of our children refuse to sleep. Now some people may chalk this up to normal toddler behavior, but I believe there is something far more sinister going on here...

Sorry I have not been posting much of late. I feel guilty about it and then I remember that I started this blog for fun and feel guilty for feeling guilty about it. What can I say, I am a woman ;)

I took A back to the doctor yesterday. He still has the same cold despite two round of antibiotics in the last two months. Now he's on an even stronger antibiotic, and I don't know what they're going to say if this doesn't work (Dr ruled out asthma and didn't seem to think it was allergies even though that's exactly what Hubs and I think it is). Of course, then he woke up this morning with this humongous swollen eye. I freaked out, but he seemed to otherwise be completely normal, so I figured it wasn't emergency room worthy and just took him back to the Dr. Turns out he has conjuctivitis (basically pink eye) on top of the cold. So I had to call in to work for the third time (on top of the four separate Drs appts he's had) since I started at my new job in January. I have to say, I am really appreciating this little joke God is playing on me since I am both really busy at work and painfully aware that this many absences is probably frowned upon.

Kidz in the Yard

Stylz

Taking a page from my big sista's book, I have been trying to update my style (tho I am still a promoter of sweats around the house as my parents can attest to). I went shopping this weekend and dropped a lot more money than I should have (thanks to spending just shy of $1000 to fix my car), but I was able to get some good, solid basic pieces that are stylish yet conservative (I still work on an AFB after all). I will post some pics when I get a chance, but I got two dresses, a pencil skirt, a good pair of black pants, a pair of jeans that fit perfectly, two shirts, and the most comfortable pair of heels I have ever found (so I had to buy them, ya know!). I may not be at Stef's level yet, but I am dedicated to getting there!

The New House on Pu's Corner

Stef called bullshit on my pics, so here's the promised ones of the house ;) I'll post more as we finish each room.

Dining Room
Kitchen

Living Room

Qwest Sucks

Lexi must have sent her evil Dutch internet vibes 'cause we just got our internet back today. C has strep, A has another sinus infection and medicine-induced diarhea, J still cries when I drop her off at daycare, and we are still trying to get the house set up while working full time. Feel sorry for me! ;) Anyway, here's some pics of the house and the kids to keep you occupied.

The Internet Cometh

We've got internet! (I suppose that was obvious considering I'm writing this post) We're all moved into our new home, though there are still some boxes to open and it's become pretty evident that all this space is going to require more shelving to go with it because, while we are finally able to display all of the crap we've aquired over the years, we have no where to put it! Anyway, I've got to keep this short and sweet, but I wanted to let ya'll know we're finally back online. More posting later, I swear!

Success!

We have a house! We move in on Monday! We are no longer forced, er...priviledged to live with my parents! I'm just kidding. I don't know what we would have done without my wonderful parents opening their home to us and being so patient as we hunted for the perfect house (which turned into a hunt for whatever house was available but whatever). We are happy with our pick as it has a ton of room. Almost 3000 square feet to be exact. And, it's a four bedroom, so everyone will actually have their own room! (The nice thing about renting is that you can generally find something much nicer than what you could afford to buy) Plus, it is literally about 4 blocks from my parents house. We can walk over whenever we want, mwah ha ha ha! I can't wait for the day when C "runs away" to grandma's ('cause you know that's going to happen at some point!)

A is doing much better, but now J has taken to waking up in the middle of the night and wanting to come sleep with us in our room. I'm not sure if she's having nightmares or what, but she is not exactly a pleasant sleep companion. She's more of a kicker and pincher than a snuggler. So sleep is still escaping us. One of the greatest things about this house is that all of the kids bedrooms are on the first floor and the master bedroom is on the second floor, so hopefully that will solve the sleeping problem ;) Anyway, we move in on Monday, so I'll be sure to post some pics as soon as I get the chance.

Still Waiting

Sorry I'm not blogging much as of late. The move has not been as smooth as we would have liked. The house we had originally contracted to rent ended up not being for rent (despite the fact that we had signed a contract, sigh). So we had to go back to the drawing board, except with both of us working, we ended up using all of our evening and weekend time to house hunt. Tim also went on a quick spur-of-the-moment trip to Austin last week to visit the step-kiddos since we figured this was a good time to go since he hadn't started work yet. Of course, then A got sick. Really, really sick. I ended up having to take him to the doctor even though my health insurance hasn't kicked in yet (I didn't realize you had a 30 day wait after starting a new job, the things you learn when you separate from the military!). It was about $150 for the visit + the drugs, but it was so worth it because he was really starting to scare me (he had a sinus infection, so it was a good thing I decided to take him). Anyway, we may have another house lined up, but I'm not going to say anything this time until we're actually in the house because I don't want to jinx anything! Hopefully I'll have some good news soon.

Big Brother is Watching

In my line of work, I always assume people are monitoring me, but I think the general public should stop getting their panties in a bunch. Do you realize how many people use text messaging to communicate? Now how many people do you actually think are out there who can actually gather and exploit those signals? And really, does anyone care if you're texting your Hubs to pick up dinner? People are so damn paranoid. No one cares! The people who have those capabilities are not interested in what you and your friends did last night. What do you all think?


We are still in the process of taking over Casa De-I. We've already taken over the tv. Poor Mums, I think if she hears the intro to Blue's Clue's one more time, she might go postal. We did finally find a house and have a move-in date set for Feb 10, yay! The house is a four bedroom, so we'll finally have some space. The kids will have their own bathroom (double yay!), and it has a very nice sized, provate backyard with a play area and a decent size pool (is triple yay pushing it a little too far?). It is also about 3 blocks from C's new school (we made sure to be in the best school district, so she is going to public school), unfortunately one of the blocks crosses a major street, so we can't let her walk on her own. Also, the school day is a little funky here. It starts at 9 and ends at 3:30. The YMCA offers before and after care for a mere $64/week (and, if you could tell, I'm being sarcastic there). $64 a week! That's more than I was paying in LA for her. So all the money I'm saving on daycare for the other two is now going to go to daycare for C. *sigh* Oh, and still no sign of child support (I filed in November when I dropped my paperwork to get out). On the great news side, Hubs found a job! It's a small star-up company with lots of potential for growth, so we're excited about where the future will take us :)

You Need to Blog

Or so said the venerable De-I this evening. And so I blog ;) We are alive and well and settling in as best we can considering we still don't have a home to call our own. We are staying with my fabulous parents (who are weathering the storm with as good a humor as possible), and we think we may have found a home but I don't want to jinx anything so I won't post about it until we have a contract in hand. I have already started at work, and I have to say that its a little weird to be working as a contractor since it was only a week ago that I was still on active duty! The mindset is very different and it will take some adjusting to. The good news is that I think I'm going to really like my job. I had absolutely no idea what I was going to be doing out here, and I had prepared myself for the worst, so I am very pleased with the way things are going. Hubs is job hunting, and it seems to be going very well. Albuquerque has a distinct lack of people with both experience and drive and business acumen, so I think Hubs will be in real demand. The two little ones have started day care. After all my issues with BS, I chose to put them in a baby mill rather than a home daycare. I thought it would be better for them to be around children their own age and for J to be part of a preschool program. This particular center also has its own indoor pool and when J turns 3 she will start taking lessons as part of the daily program. C is still out of school since we don't have a permanent address yet, but Hubs has been printing off homeschool work for her so that she doesn't fall behind. Cross your fingers for us to have a home soon so that she can go to school! A is crawling all over the place and he can pull himself to standing now. Between him and J, one of my kids is constantly somewhere they shouldn't be ;)
So that's the news for now. Sorry it's so short, but I am just exhausted.

On Our Way

Thanks for all the nice coments about my hair. I totally love it. I think maybe I look a little nervous in the pictures because the scene going on around me was something like this:

C: Mom, what are you doing?
J: What you doing, Mama? Mama! Mama! Mama, what you doing!
A: *crawling from the living room into the kitchen with his trademark low crawl* Waaaaaah! *thunk*
C: Mom, are you taking a picture? Can I be in it?
J: Maaaaamaaaaa! What you doing, Mama??!! Me picture!! Me picture, too!!!
A: Waaaaaah! *thunk*
C: Are you going to post it on your blog? Can it be a funny picture with me giving Jocelyn bunny ears?
J: Meeeee picture! Mamamamamamamama!!!!
A: Waaaaaah! *thunk*

Anyway, the movers are here. My final out is tomorrow morning and we check out of the house tomorrow afternoon, and then we're on the road! I can't believe the day is finally here, but we are so excited to be moving onto the next chapter in our lives. We'll have internet access at my parents, so it won't be like it usually is when we move and are incognito for months at a time. See you in Albuquerque! :)

Ohmygodohmygodohmygod

It is so crazy to think that we are moving in just a week. It hasn't really sunk in yet! So I decided that in the spirit of change, I was going to do something drastic.

What do you think!!??

I so wish Hubs had done this when A was born ;)

December Pics

Finally!

Only a week in advance, but still...we have orders! It's official folks, I will be released from active duty as of next Friday and we will be on the road to our new life in New Mexico. We're excited, anxious, nervous, trepiditious, etc, etc... We also have our home 'puter back, so I am planning to download all our pictures tonight and will start posting some seriously cute kids as soon as possible. C also had her 9th birthday on the 31st, but we celebrated on the 28th with her very first slumber party. Let's just say my brilliant idea of having the kids build their own cupcakes and letting them eat as many as they wanted so I wouldn't have any leftovers didn't seem all that smart at 11pm ;) The kids had a great time, though. All of C's friends were quite enamoured with J and she spent the entire night partying away with the big kids, rockin' out to Hannah Montana and watching C's new High School Musical DVD (gifted from the g-parents). Pics to come soon...

New Years Resolution

This year I'm going to try something different for my New Years resolutions. Usually I give the half-hearted attempts at proclaiming things like this will be the year I hit the X pound mark or this will be the year I get off my ass and learn how to really cook. But, come on now, we all know that shit is never going to happen.* I have three kids and I work full time. It's time to stop fucking around and get down to business. This year I pledge to be a more devoted mother, a more loving wife, a more caring daughter and sister. This year I take a break from pledging to better myself for the New Year. This year I will work towards a better life for my family and more stability for my children. 2008 - the Year of the Pur.



* I will still, however, be majorly jealous of my awesome sister and covet her ability to things like this

Everything I Watch Sucks

Grr. I don't even know why I watch tv. Seriously, every show I watch ends up infuriating me either because the people I want to win don't win (see Survivor, Big Brother, ANTM) or because nothing ever gets resolved (see Lost). I had just started to think this season of Survivor didn't suck nearly as bad as last season (which has to be one of the worst seasons ever) and then Amanda had to completely blow it by acting like a total strategic dumbass by not kicking Todd's ass off and then she sat around like a sad-eyed moron at final tribal council and basically just said she was sorry instead of actuall, you know, trying to win. What a freaking asshat! With the all the strategic blunders made by James, Denise, and Amanda, this season totally went down the toilet when it started off with so much promise! Of course, over on ANTM, Tootie from the Facts of Life won, so I guess I shouldn't complain about Survivor. Also, nyah nyah nyah to all you Chris hatin' lovers of Project Runway. I thought Stephen was a total ass, so I was really relieved when they tossed his ass to the curb.* I was also happy that Christian won a challenge b/c I love the snarky, gay stereotype just as much as Heidi & Co. Nobody gives better soundbites!

Still no pics. I am posting from work (tee hee), but our home 'puter is still on the fritz. Also discouraging, my gf, who also had a VAIO, had the same experience with her computer dying on her about 2 years after purchase. We plan to buy a Mac next since everyone I know is now on the Mac bandwagon (and I just can't resist a good bandwagon), but we're going to wait until after to move to make any large purchases, so we may have some internet-free time while we make the transition from LA to Abq.

* Also, I, like AinA, like to see how many times I can use the word ass in the same paragraph.

Decisions, Decisions

So I promised job news soon, and here it is (drum roll, please): We've decided to move to Albuquerque! No, seriously, we really are moving to Albuquerque. I know I swore I would never move back there, but it's amazing how your perspective changes as you age. The cost of living, beautiful weather, and the fact that we would be close to family are all contributing factors which have made Albuquerque a very attractive place to live. Plus, I got offered a very nice job there, which always helps ;) We are very excited for our upcoming move and are now starting to panic as I requested a separation date in early Jan, so it isn't that far off! I am still planning to stay in the Reserve, as I have enough years towards retirement that I would hate to sever ties altogether and have to start over, so I am working that issue now.

Anyway, I know I promised to post those X-mas pics, but our computer has taken a shit on us, so I don't know when I'll get a chance to access them to post them. So you'll just have to wait!

The Case for Childlessness

From time to time, my children tend to do things which make me wonder why I ever had children in the first place. On Friday, A got sick and puked carrots all over himself and his carseat. Not to be outdone, J puked 3 times Friday night to such an extent that we chose to simply throw out her pack n' play rather than try cleaning it. Clearly these two are going to be competition for each other because A was not about to let J get the one up on him and chose to contract explosive diarrhea, which has yet to let up. Seeing that her two younger siblings were getting a lot of attention, C decided that Monday night was the perfect night to show she's still in the running for child who needs the most attention and threw up 3 times herself. Then J, after several days of being relatively illness-free, decided that Hubs and I were not losing enough sleep over waking up every 1-2 hours to change A's shitty diapers and we needed to clean up toddler puke again. Oh, and did I mention that Hubs and I were both sick as well? Fun weekend!

Will Post Pics Soon

Sorry for (again) the length between posts. We were here celebrating 60 fabulous years of Dad and eating like I've never eaten in my life (caviar, foie gras, and truffles, oh my!). I can easily say I have never had such an amazing culinary experience in all my life, and I can only hope that another such one will be on the horizon sometime in the future (after I've managed to work off this last one, so, at least another couple of years ;)

News on the job front is imminent; however, I am still working out some of the details. I am a little sticious at heart, so I will refrain from making any huge announcements until I have a signed contract in hand.

Pu on Reality TV (literally)

Okay, ya'll know how much I love Survivor, and I always get a little misty when they have the episode where they bring on the contestant's loved ones, but I can't help feeling a little bitter, too. After all, these people have all chosen to be away from home to play a game for a chance at winning a million dollars. Also, they have only been away from their loved ones for like 30 days. 30 days, people! Seriously, they're crying like they've been away for years. Don't they know there are thousands upon thousands of airmen, soldiers, and sailors who leave their homes for up to 18 months to go to a war zone, and they sure as hell aren't expecting to come home with no million dollars. They'd be pretty happy to just come home in one piece. It literally made me sick to my stomach (despite the fact that maternal hormones still made me tear up at their reunions, I'm such a baby!).

Also, they got rid of Chris on Project Runway. WTF! Seriously, last week Ricky's outfit wasn't even sewn together, and this week it looked like an 1980's playboy centerfold threw up on his model. Please. What are the judges smoking this year?

And I'm still so devastated about Heather's ouster from ANTM, I can't even comment on the fact that Chantal is in the top three (okay, seriously, she's a freaking moron with an annoying giggle and 70s shag bangs. What is up with Tyra!!??)

Seriously Christmasy Up in This Bitch

Holiday Crap

So, post Turkey Day we did what has become the annual tradition in the Pu-R household (heretofor known as the Pur household), we decorated the house for Christmas. This is a 4-5 hour process that involved much cursing, spreading of dust and a wide variety of cleaning efforts afterwards. If you are picturing a loving family carefully placing their family heirloom ornaments on the tree in harmony, you are sadly mistaken. In the Pur household, we just get the shit out of the way. I promise I'll post some pics tonight when I get home, but you trust me when I say it is seriously Christmasy up in this bitch (as Hubs commented). C & I were allowed to take out the Menorah this year. My Catholic-rasied Hubs eyeballed it warily, but did not protest (much) when I gave it the coveted spot on the Tibetan piece in the LR (probably b/c it blends in with all the other shit we have up there). Hopefully we'll remember to actually light the candles this year since J has passed the stage of wanting to eat them. Also, when the hell did they start playing Chritmas music before Thanksgiving? I though that was the one prerequisite to the start of the retail holiday season, but evidently that hard and fast rule has gone out the window, too!
Gettin' Serious For a Minute

I really wanted to say thanks to everyone who commented on my pity party about separating from the military. It really is a big deal to me, and your comments were most appreciated. I came across this quote while doing research for an unrelated project, but I thought I would share it with you anyway!
"It's not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can't tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it, myself." ~Joyce Maynard
More Random Pu for You
As some of you may know, one of my most favoritist books of all time is Edith Wharton's House of Mirth, so I was excited to come across this article. Having never taken college English (My AP scores were high enough that I didn't have to, tee hee), I guess I never realized there was any controversy over it. I always thought it was pretty evident that Lily had commited suicide. How anyone could think that EW had written the meaning vaguely is beyond me. I thought she made it pretty clear that Lily had fallen so far that there was no other way for her. So now I'm curious to hear what other people think. So share, dammit! ;)
Also, I must comment that I seriously hate SIPRnet. Seriously. Hate it. Not as much as DTS, but hate it none the less...that is all

Gobble, Gobble

I know, I know, I've been completely remiss in my posting duties lately. I am uber-busy with work and homelife, so I appologize, but you're all going to have to be patient with me. Thanksgiving was a nice, small affair with just immediate family and the plumber who can to fix our drain ($200!!). Hopefully the landlord won't give us a hard time about reimbursing us for the bill. Things are seriously in the works as far as career moves go, but I am loathe to say anythng until I have absolute confirmation as to what we are doing. I don't want to mislead anyone (including myself!) until I know for sure that all the little bumps in the road have been dealt with, but my separation paperwork is currently making its way through the various rounds of signatures it needs before I can send it over to the MPF for processing. If all goes well, I should be released from active duty as early as sometime in January.

This is a difficult move for me, in spite of the fact that I'm doing it to avoid being deployed to a war zone with three children at home. I have been the military for all of my adult life. It is more than a job to me. It has become a way of life and a part of my identity. It may sounds strange, but if I was asked to describe myself, I would say that I am a woman, a mother and a wife, and a military officer. It's going to be very hard for me to adjust to the thought of just being an ordinary citizen. The decision to separate was not difficult, given the circumstances, but I am terrified in some ways of no longer having that security blanket. Plus, I don't know shit about health insurance.

Back to the Hollywood AF

Back home from Omaha. Still at home b/c, as per usual, the airline lost my luggage, so I had to wait here for them to deliver it. Oh well, at least this time they lost it when I was on my way home, so I'm not out of clothes or anything. I got home at about 10:30 last night, and Hubs was the happiest I think I've ever seen him. He rushed up and gave me a big hug, handed me 2 screaming kids, a dirty diaper, and a half-full bottle and ran out the door screaming, "Free at last!" Okay so maybe it wasn't quite that bad, but let's just say I was definately missed (although Hubs had to caveat that by adding, "At least the house stayed clean while you were gone."). J was super-excited to see me, but I couldn't help noticing that A seems to have more of an affinity for his BS than for me, and that just breaks my heart. I know it's only natural that A will be more in tune with the people he spends the most time with, but I can't help feeling devastated b/c that should be me! It's the trap all working moms fall into, especially when you have more than one child. I get so little alone time with A. Usually our time together consists of feeding him until he falls asleep. Even on weekends, my attention is divided between three kids and a husband, so we get very little solo time together. I know there really isn't anything I can do about it, but BS doesn't make it any better with her little snide comments about how A prefers it there and thinks of her house as his home. It just makes me want to strangle her (even though I know she's not trying to hurt my feelings).

Anyway, onto less depressing subjects. I'm getting some good job leads, but I don't want to jinx anything by saying too much. Let's just say there's a good chance we may stay here in LA in a non-mil capacity, but I'm also going to be making a trip to DC in the near future to explore some opportunities out there. I promise I'll keep you all updated as things progress.

Also, I must put in my 2 cents on the Next Iron Chef who is so obviously going to be Chef Besh. Not that I haven't enjoyed the show, but, honestly, there really hasn't been much suspense. Other than the very first episode, I have accurately predicted who was going home each week which sort of takes some of the fun out of it. I have to say, though, I am really looking forward to next week when they actually battle it out in kitchen stadium.

Now I'll leave you with some pics I've been meaning to post from when my moms & sis wuz here. Enjoy!

Postin' on the Road

Back in Omaha. Boo. Of course, no kids = yay. So it's not all bad ;) Poor Hubs. This is first time alone with all three kids, and I think they are eating him alive. I tried calling, but all I heard was, "Stop that! Get over here! Oh god, it's got hold of my leg! Aghhhhhh!" So, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that everyone's alive and in one piece when I get home :)

I keep forgetting to give a shout out to my sis, MR, who turned me onto this great kids show called Yo Gabba Gabba (I know, I know, I seriously need a life outside of my kids). Seriously, though, even if you don't have kids, you will love this show. It was totally designed for those of us raised in the 80's. Of course, all this Gabba Gabba time has started to affect other parts of my life. For instance, I can no longer eat without giving a shout out to my food. It's a little awkward since I usually eat lunch at my desk.

Me: Hey, sushi!
Me: *in a really high-pitched, sushi voice* Yeaaaaaah?!
Me: *in my normal voice* In my tummy, party party
Me: *in a really high-pitched voice* Yeaaaaaah!
Me: *dancing around my cubicle* There's a party in my tummy, so yummy, so yummy!
Random Coworker: Um...Are you alright in there?

It only get's really weird when I get to the part where my uneaten food starts to cry. Yeah, I know, I really need to get a hobby outside of my kids *sigh*

Halloweenies

Angry Sheep Sleepy Sheep

Witches Counting Their Booty

C & Friend Pre-Treat'n

Witches and Their Sacrificial Lamb

Still Kickin'

Sorry I've been a ghost blogger as of late. October was a bit of a hectic month for me, and November doesn't look like it's going to be much different. In early Oct, my moms came to visit and we got to spend some serious quality time together even if it was only for a few days. Then mid-month was our huge base exercise, which I was very heavily involved in. I was pretty much incognito from even my own family for a week. Now we're in the after action & reporting phase (yippee). Next week I'm headed back to Omaha (my favorite place) for more exercise planning. Kids are all alive and well. C & J went to the dentist this past week and discovered they both have cavaties *sigh* So that's $800 out of pocket for dental expenses (god, I miss being overseas!). Evidently preemies and babies who have health issues during their last few months in the womb are more suseptable to getting cavaties because their baby teeth are not formed properly (a little bit o' trivia for ya). Unfortunately, because J is so young, they're actually going to have to sedate her so they can fill her cavaties. So I am taking the day off tomorrow (you're supposed to stay home with them to make sure there aren't any adverse affects from the sedation drugs) to be with her, so hopefully I will have a chance to post pictures then b/c I had some seriously cute Halloweenies this year.

C, J, & I were a coven of witches, and A was our sacrificial lamb (actually, he was more of a sleepy sheep --props to Sandra Boynton-- since he slept the whole time we were out trick-or-treating). We went with a couple of C's friends from school, and it was a lot more fun going with a big group of people. J had an awesome time. She was in total rapture that all these people were handing her candy, and mommy wasn't trying to take it away! :) She did have a small issue with normal Halloween protocal...

*We approach a sweet old lady handing out candy at her door*

Me: What do you say?
J: My candy!

Then, when we got up this morning, J sleepily rubbed her eyes and looked around in a dazed and confused manner. "Where my candy?" she asked. Clearly she has her priorities!

We also went to Hubs' friend's haunted house. Hubs participated in the event (he's the scary monster on the far left), and I brought the kids over after they were done tricks'n and treats'n. C tried to pretend she wasn't scared, but she refused to go back in after we went through it. J did NOT like it at all. Hubs' friend and co-worker was also participating and he jumped out to scare us, he saw J's lip start to tremble, so he immediately took off his mask and treid to reassure her, but she was having no part of it!

Suck it, Baltimore!

Hey, Kids, The Beat of the Day is: I am Not a Whore

So my sis MR and her family were here this weekend for the opening of their show Sock Puppet Show Girls. Hubs and I have never been able to see one of their many artistic ventures because we have always lived so far away, so I was really excited to actually be able to see their creative talents in person (vs. YouTube, which is where you can also find this). The show was totally awesome and stands as a cultural testament to the fact that you can never proclaim, "I am not a whore!" too many times.

Potty Hi-jinks

On Saturday, MR, her Hubs, her in-laws, and her super-adorable daughter Y came over to spend a few hours with us and our crazy brood before heading off on a nice 7 hou drive up to SF, where her in-laws reside. Y chose their visit as her very first time to go poo poo in the potty. Of course, this was greeted by much fan fare by the adults and a yummy chocolate reward. J observed the praise with interest but you should have seen how big her eyes got when she saw Y eating that chocolate. Her skin almost literally turned green with envy as she watched Y enjoy her treat.

J: Y'ena cho'cate?
Me: Yes, Y got chocolate because she went poo poo in the potty. Isn't she a big girl!
J: *hopefully* Me Cho'cate?

Me: No, no. You have to go poo poo in the potty to get chocolate like Y.

*I turn around a few seconds later to see J standing next to the potty with her pants halfway down her ankles.*

J: *firmly* Me go potty.

Me: Okay

.2 seconds later...

J: All done potty. Now cho'cate?

Me: But you didn't actually use the potty.

J: *insistently* Me go potty!

M: No, no. You have to go pee pee or poo poo in the potty to get the chocolate.

J: *sadly* No cho'cate.

Me: Sorry, kiddo.

Yo Crabba Crabba

Not nearly as fun as Biz Markie's beat of the day, J and A (and Hubs) all have major colds going on. A lets us know his distress by refusing to sleep and sneezing out huge, green snot bubbles thus forcing me to use the baby-snot-sucker-outer-bulb-of-extreme-discomfort. It must really suck not to know how to blow your own nose. J, on the other hand, turns into the most crabbiest, crankiest, bitchiest toddler on earth and refuses to do anything but cling to me and cry. What fun!

More 8-Year-Old Humor

C: Mom, can you spell 'I Cup'?
Me: Sure can.
C: Moooom, you're supposed to spell it. *starts to snicker*
Me: Hmmmm, the snickering seems kind of suspicious. Are you trying to trick me?
C: *giggling* Nooooo. Just spell 'I Cup'
Me: Well, why do I have to spell it? Can't you spell it?
C: Mooooom, you're ruining the joke.
Me: Ah hah, so it is a joke.
C: *shrieking* No! It's not a joke. I swear, Mom.
Me: Fine, fine. I-C-U-P
C: *flops over onto her stomach and pounds the bed with her fist in gales of laughter* Bwah hah hah hah!!
Me: Whee hoo, peeing sure is funny.
C: *through her tears of laughter* I know!
Random Pu


Best book title ever or what the Shatwrights should name their next album...also this came up just underneath said book on Amazon search. Is it just me or is it slightly disturbing to think that people who are interested in identifying different types of feces also want to know how to make sexual handicrafts?

Seriously, Oh My Fucking God! That is like a prize-winning watermelon. How do your nether-regions recover from something like that!!??

What the eff?!

Support the Rabid

I heart you, The Office.


So our weekend was fairly uneventful. It actually rained here on Saturday, so C missed her weekly swimming lesson, and we had to cancel our outing to the park. Hubs B-Day was on Sunday, so we went out to a nice local bistro we've been to before for dinner. Then on Monday, I cooked him homemade lasagna and Mom's strawberry pie (his favorite!). Sunday was, of course, a football disaster, but we're slowly becoming immune to this sort of let down from the Bills. I think Hubs might die of joy if they actually win a game this year. Of course, we could be as confused as Chicago...



"Rex Grossman is our quarterback."

"Rex Grossman is our quarterback."

"Rex Grossman is our quarterback."

"Rex Grossman is our quarterback."

"Rex Grossman is our quarterback."

I mean...

"Brian Griese is our quarterback."



Well, maybe they'll actually start winning some games. It just sucks for Buffalo that our back-up is just as crappy as our starter. *sigh*

The Wisdom of Toddlers or How I Got Woken Up Sunday Morning

Sunday morning I am sleeping soundly in my big, warm, comfy bed when suddenly I sense a sinister presence hovering just above me. I sloowly crack open one eye and try to focus on the mischevious brown eyes and ominous mass of red curls looming just inches from my face. "Mama!" the small yet menacing beast shrieks joyously.

"Good morning, Billy Goat." I murmur sleepily.

"Biwy goat." she repeats happily and promptly smacks me in the face to indicate her pleasure.

"Ow! Don't hit mama. Hitting hurts." I tell her, rubbing my face.

Twenty pounds of red curls hurl themselves at me in a small but comforting bear hug. "Sowy, Mama." she says contritely, snuggling her head next to mine. Then, to express her deep remorse, she summarily heat butts me (as billy goats are known to do) and tries to stick her finger in my nose.

"Ouch," I say, removing her finger from its precarious position. "Don't pick mommy's nose."

J looks at me in great confusion. "Pick no' no hurt." she tells me, and proceeds to demonstrate by sticking her finger in her own nose with great gusto. "See. No hurt."

Can't argue with that!


Job Hunting Military Style

No, I'm not referring to the utilization of guerilla tactics (though it is a thought should it continue to take much longer). Searching for a job in my area of expertise is a unique experience. I suppose it doesn't really suffice it to say military style, when what I really mean is intelligence style. The intel world is its own beast with its own language. Since I've been in the community for 10+ years and have knowledge up the ass (too much knowledge as it turns out), I'm able to read these job descriptions and decipher them. Unfortunately, I'm either overqualified and/or it the job description reads like this:

JD: Must have working knowledge of ABC
Me: I have working knowledge of ABC
JD: Must have practical experience with ABFQ
Me: I have practical experience with ABFQ!
JD: Must understand intelligence systems like CROOZY BYTCH, FILCH, and FSTR
Me: Oooo, oooo, I've used CROOZY BYTCH, FILCH, and FSTR
JD: Must be an expert in QRL, BDQ and XYZZZFRTWRD

Me: I am an expert in QRL, BDQ and XYZZZFRTWRD!!!!!

JD: Must be willing to travel overseas* for extended periods of time

Me: Fock
*read: Iraq
Other Tidbits

If you are at a loss to explain my obsession with Top Model (and, rest assured, you are not the only one!), you must read this!

My new favorite song

Mr. Oxygen Bar Inventor

Surprisingly, I have been incredibly busy at work as of late. And, while I much prefer to be running around like a mad woman rather than sitting at my desk staring at some computer-based training module (which is what I do when work is slow), it also means I don't have much time to update my blog. (I know, I know, you're all devastated...all 5 of you ;)


I have been meaning to post my football pictures, but since the Bills have decided that this is the season to take over the dubious distinction of being the worst team in the NFL with this past weekend's humiliating loss to Pittsburgh, I have been too depressed to even look at them. Hubs was particularly morose considering our loss to Denver the week before came after a relatively decent game, which had given us some hope. While he is a diehard Billiever, I am more pragmatic when it comes to our beloved football team. Even so, the embaressment of having only one first down in the entire first half brought Hubs to all-time low. It took him nearly 12 full hours to turn to me and say, "We'll get it back next week. We always play New England tough, right?" To which I could only nod mutely. I did not have the heart to tell him that Bill Bela-cheat's Pats are most likely going to crush us. And it is only Week 2! *sigh*

Driving Home From Dance Class or Pu Makes You Feel Better About Your Commute

A: Waaaaaaaah!
J: Ales! C'ying! No, no c'y, Ales!
C: *singing very loudly and very off-key* Alex is a sad baby, a sad little baby. Why are you crying Alex?

J: *wags her finger at A* No, no c'y, Ales! No, no be sad baby!

C: Ooooooh, Alex is the saddest baby. Whyyyyyyyyy does he cry? Why does he cryyyyyyyyy?

Me: Be quiet!

A: Wahhhhhhhhh!

J: *at the top of her lungs* Cay-et, Ales! Mama say cay-et! Stop c'ying!!

C: *singing* Be quiet, Alex. Mommy says you need to be quiet now!

Me: I am talking to you! Now everybody, for the love of god, just shut it!

C & J pause for about .2 seconds

Me: Thank you

J: *shrieking* Mama not cay-et! Mama not cay-et!

C: Mooom, you talked!

Me: I am the mother here! You cannot tattle about me to me!

Ducks, Thugs, & Harmony

I must share with you the story of J and the Polliwog Park Ducks. C's swimming lessons are held at a public pool in a very large park in Manhattan Beach. I take J with me so that Hubs only has to handle one child while we are gone. The park also has a large duck pond with what appear to be to most tame and people-friendly ducks I have ever encountered. This week J and I brought some extra goldfish to feed the ducks, and I was astonished when we were suddenly surrounded by twenty or so menacingly hungry ducks. J thought this was just the coolest thing and was quite sad when we ran out of goldfish. So she tried fooling the ducks by making a throwing motion with her hand. One particularly fat duck, not being very clever but certainly brave, craned its neck to snatch the invisible food from her hand and succeeded only in snapping its beak onto her little finger. Luckily there was no skin breakage and J was only shocked a bit and not hurt at all. After making sure there were no serious boo boos, J was quite delighted with this turn of events and apparently wanted to continue offering her body as a duck snack because she was quite perturbed when I insisted it was time to leave the ominous gang of duck thugs to their own devices. "Duck eat finger!" she announced proudly.

Foodie Finds

If you enjoy Top Chef, check out Anthony Bourdain's blog
I am a Blossoming Bon Vivant

If you like Top Chef, you'll be thrilled to hear about The Next Iron Chef (I know I was), and one of my favorite foodie bloggers will be covering it!
Proving it is possible to gracefully turn tricks!
Other Tidbits of Amusement for Your Otherwise Drab and Colorless Workday

I've moved from tv commercials to radio ads

Mindless Crap

Because I also blog with a wide stance...albeit mine is due to bearing three children

Recent Pics

In light of recent football events, all you get is pictures...we are too depressed to write :(

C's First Day of School

So...Damn...Hot

Sorry I haven't had the chance to post for a while. Obviously things are a bit hectic now that I'm back at work and all, and, of course, with Hubs being gone last weekend. I swear that the cosmos are totally aware of Hubs' travel patterns and plan accordingly because I got absolutely zero sleep this last weekend. Between J being sick and puking one night, A pissing on my fabulous couch, and the fact that it..was...so...fucking...HOT...that I literally lay in bed in a pool of my own sweat and prayed for morning to come so I could just get a freaking shower! I know I shouldn't bitch, what with the generally gorgeous and perfect weather we have here, but I have lived in some seriously crappy weather places (Seattle rain, West Texas humidity, Misawa snow...) that I deserve good weather (*stomps feet and whines* I deseeeeerve it!) . Plus we don't have A/C, so we were all sweaty and cranky this weekend. Thank god the heatwave seems to have broken and we are getting our breeze back.

C started school today.* She was super excited but a little nervous. She keeps telling me how she's worried about how hard third grade is going to be *gack* (sorry, I just choked a little bit at the thought that I have somehow become old enough to be the mother of a third grader!!) We ran into her friend Hannah while walking to school (I came in late today), so I got some cute pics of them, which I'll upload here at some point. The little ones were pretty good. A decided to wait until the school bell rang to start screaming his poor, little head off. Of course, he didn't stop until we got home, so I'm sure the neighborhood enjoyed that! :)

Not So Cool Mom

C: That's crazy.
Me: Yeah, that's redunkulous**
C: Mo'ooom, redunkulous is not a word.
Me: Of course it's a word. If it wasn't a word how could I say it?
C: *sternly* Mom, redunkulous is not a word.
Me: It isn't?
C: *with a very serious face* No.
Me: Well, I like it.
C: *sighs heavily* Mom, you are so not cool.

*Please do not ask me why RB has kids start school on a Thursday. Who starts their week on a Thursday? Also, do not ask me why the summer camp run by the same city ends 2 weeks before school starts. Maybe they were as confused about the school start date as I was?

**My girl K is always using this expression, which I think is ginormously hilarious. For example, say your organization was planning to be a part of a huge, nation-wide exercise that usually takes upwards of a year or more to plan for. And, say your organization had worked hard on coming up with a scenario for said exercise only to be told by your HHQ (higher headquarters) that the exercise was now going to be led by a totally different and mucher higher HHQ (an HHHQ?) and that your organization was no longer invited to play, nyah, nyah, nyah. Well, first you would feel a little indignent and your feelings would be hurt because you are the evil, red-headed, aquisition step-child that no one wants to play with. Then you would get over it and realize that it saves you a whole heck of a lotta work. Then, several months later, HHQ sends you an e-mail asking for technical data for the scenario you weren't allowed to use because you weren't allowed to participate. And when you ask them what is going on they say, "Oh yeah, did we forget to tell you? We are going to let you play, but, just to get you up to speed, the final planning conference is next week and the exercise is going to kick off next month insetad of in four months. Sooo, we kind of need that incredibly difficult to produce technical data (that you told the engineers not to worry about) like...today." --- that, my friends, is redunkulous.

Flat Like a Pancake...

So Hubs is out of town again *sigh* It's not his fault. Actually, he's gone for a really good reason. My FIL is getting re-married and Hubs is the best man, so he kind of has to be there. I was hoping to go, too, but we just can't afford it right now (especially with all the uncertainty of whether or not we're staying in, where we're going to go, etc). I still felt really bad having to tell my FIL I wouldn't be able to make it, though I'm sure he understood. To make matters even worse just about everyone is sick right now. A is actually the only one who hasn't displayed any symptoms, so he's sure to be sick as a dog this weekend. Lucky me! Plus, this is back-to-school shopping weekend. I had hoped to avoid it, but C really needs some new clothes (her old stuff is starting to look pretty shabby after a long, hard summer of playing!) and she only has one pair of shoes that still fit, and trust me when I say they look like absolute shit. So it's going to be an interesting (and by interesting, I mean stressful and sucky) weekend for me. The only good part is that Hubs feels so guilty for leaving me alone with the kids again that he will be kissing my butt when he gets home (or maybe not now that I've written about it. Way to go me)



Pu's Interpretation of Baby Talk


Waaaaaaaaah! = Oh my god. I'm dying over here, lady. Get off your ass and feed me!
Waaaaaaaaah! = It has been .2 seconds since my last cry and I am still not being fed. What kind of crack house are you running here!?
Waaaaaaaaah! = Okay, this is getting ridiculous. I have been crying for, like, at least 5 seconds, and I have yet to be fed. I want to speak to your manager!
Waaaaaaaaah! = What do you mean there's no manager here? What is this Orbitz customer service? You people are so incompetent. It has been at least 7 seconds since I started crying and I still have no food.
Waaaaaaaaah! = Okay, I know that Dad is out of town and that J is insane and C has been sucked into the mind-numbing vortex known as tv, but doesn't anybody realize that I am the important one here? I am dyyyyying of starvation. It has taken you 10 seconds to feed me and now I have worked myself up and I cannot eat until I have been comforted.
Waaaaaaaah! = Did you hear me??!! I said I must be comforted first! Comforted, I tell you! Now I will do nothing but cry until you stop trying to stick that nipple in my mouth and snuggle me.
Waaaaaaaah! = Snuggle meeeeeee!

*pausing to receive comforting snuggles*

Waaaaaaah! = I know you finally figured out that I needed to be calmed first, and I am actually eating now, but I feel that I still have some crying left in me. I must continue to cry sporadically while you feed because I am upset. I have no idea why I am upset, and neither do you (which is half the fun), but it seems like this crying thing is working out pretty well for me so I am just going to stick with it for a while until I can get J to cry, too. Then you will have a crying baby and a crying toddler, and you will have to choose which one to pay attention to. And it better be me!
Waaaaaaah! = You are not paying enough attention to me! You must look at me while you feed me. You must coo in a high pitched voice and say things like, 'Who's the cutest baby?' using the same voice inflection as Scooby Doo. You must stroke my cheek and ignore that red-haired toddler who is hogging all of your attention.
Whimper, Whimper = Fine, so you have caved into all my demands. Clearly you have no spine, and I must think of other things to cry about.
Waaaaaah! = Now I have gas.

Conversations With 'Toddler-With-a-Cold'



Me: Good morning, sunshine!
J: Humph! *rolls over and hides under covers*
Me: What should we wear today. Ooooh, how about a pretty dress? You love your pretty dress.
J: No.
Me: Okay, how about some shorts and your pink shirt? *enticingly* It's your favorite shirt....
J: No.
Me: Okay, then you can just stay in your night-night clothes all day if you want.
J: No.
Me: Then what would you like to wear?
J: No.
Me: Fine, you can just be naked.
J: No.
J: Ses'me Steet!
Me: Oh, you want to wear your Sesame Street outfit.
J: No.


J: A'les yucky.
Me: What's wrong with Alex?
J: A'les wet. Ew!
Me: Did he spit up? *discovers that A has not, in fact, spit up. Rather, he has wet himself and the last blanket that is not in the wash* Oh, shit!
J: *helpfully* Shat!
Me: Don't say that.
J: Shat!
Me: *trying to clean up the mess while fending off J, who is trying to be helpful by handing me back all of the soiled clothes I am throwing on the floor* God dammit, Jesus Christ!
J: Jeeeesa. *pause* Shat!


C-Isms

Some More Amusement to Help Waste Your Workday...
Butt Minus, hee.

Something you will only find funny if you happen to live in Amsterdam and/or are a fan of Lost (only 6 more months, aghhhhhh!)

If you haven't heard about poor Miss Teen South Carolina then you must live under a rock. --
how sad is it that this is what passes for news in the States*

*I guess those South Korean missionary hostages being released by the Taliban after the South Korean government bought them off isn't quite as exciting as making fun of a teenage girl who fucked up a pageant question.

No VSP :(

If you were wondering whether or not the VSP program for '08 came out (as I'm sure you all were), it did and, of course, I am not eligible. Seems the AF finally got a clue after making so many personnel cuts last year that we were practically bleeding intel officers. After over a year of kicking people out left and right they finally realized, "Hey! There's a war going on and we're getting rid of all our experienced people. Perhaps that is not the smartest move?" So, all operational AFSC's (which includes yours truly) are now off the list of folks they're willing to cut loose seeing as they're now down to 65% manning for intel captains. Way to go, AF! I remember when we first had all the mandatory info meetings about the force shaping program, and the officer in charge would get up and declare vehemently that the AF WAS NOT going to make the same mistakes they did last time (in the mid-90's when they got rid of a ton of people after the 1st Gulf War). This time it would be different! This time they had a plan! Oh, how I laughed and laughed. Somehow it seemed fairly obvious to me that one's military should probably not start giving out incentives to get rid of people while, you know, there's a war going on! But, then, I actually have a brain, something that the folks at AFPC clearly lack. So now they've finally gotten a clue, just in time to screw me. Figures.

At any rate, we're now in the process of trying to igure out what the hell we're going to do. Right now I'm sort of hedging my bets as to whether I'll stay in or not. My boss is trying to see if there's any way I can get a guaranteed state-side deployment. If that's a possibility, I may stay in a bit longer. If not, well, I've already started putting my resume out there. I figure it can't hurt to see what I'm worth on the outside.

Drama, Drama, Drama

I think all of my children are born with the drama queen gene. A is clearly learning from his older sisters and has learned how to manipulate Mommy into doing just what he wants. He likes to fuss and cry so that I go to all the trouble of getting ready to feed him, then he'll refuse to take the nipple and just sit there and smile at me so that I can't get angry because he's just so darn cute. Or I'll have him in my arms but be paying attention to something else and he'll start twisting and fussing until I look at him. Then he'll smile really big as if to say, Pay attention to meeeeeee! Of course, being a drama queen has its advantages for us parents. For example, it's very easy to distract J when she's throwing a tantrum. All I have to do is start pointing out old boo-boos and she will hold up whatever body part it is for kisses and forget all about whatever it was she was throwing a fit about. Very useful!

A Year of Pu

As many of you may be aware, I had a birthday on Monday. I am now one year older and one year sexier (and have added one more kid to the mix). I feel very accomplished ;)

Hubs took me to a nice romantic restaurant in Hermosa Beach. The service was lacking a bit, but we had a very secluded table with no one else around and the food was decent. Plus, there was nary a child to be found! I also got a new pair of sunglasses, some new sandals, one of my fave beatnik books (Naked Lunch, the restored edition), and a black purse that I can actually carry in uniform so that I no longer have to attempt to stuff the contents of my purse into my pockets every work day (yay!).

In other news, C leaves tomorrow to fly all by herself to Abq to visit the old folks home..I mean, the grandparents ;) She is extremely excited to be attending the Grandma & Grandpa Pu Joint Cooking & Baking School for Grandchildren. She hopes to earn her degree in 8-Year Old Prep Cook/Baker in just three days! (Well, she's flying back on Sunday, so, really, she doesn't have much of a choice) I, on the other hand, am extremely apprehensive since C is not exactly known for her shyness. Hopefully she gets a good seatmate who isn't too annoyed by the the constant chatter he/she is sure to be subjected to. I imagine many crying baby flights will be ion my karmic future to make up for this!

Anecdotes From Pu's Corner

#1 Why you should always be careful about the expressions you use around children
Me: *after instructing said kiddos on what to do* And, hop to it!
C: *whispers loudly to T as they scamper out of the kitchen* She said we were supposed to hop!
Me: Not literally!

#2 I must admit that while things have calmed down somewhat since we downsized tha family, things are still a bit hectic when we are all squished into a small space. Yesterday's car ride home was just another example of why god created radios with the ability to turn the volume waaay up ;)
Me: So how was your day?
C: I wish the world was edible.
J: *having been denied the ability to buckle her car seat seatbelt by Nature and Mom's quick fingers* Meeeee do it!! Meeee wanna do it!
Me: It's already done! Now why would you want the world to be edible?
A: *realizing that someone else is crying in some near proximity and that he must automatically top them for loudest crier* Waaaaaaaah!
C: Because then I could eat everything like the trees, the sidewalk, the playground...
J: Meeee do it! *begins kicking my chair rhythymically* Meeeeeeee!
C: the house, my sister, the beach, the sand...
A: Waaaaaaaaah!
Me: *attempting to ignore the screamers in the backseat* What about clothes? What would you do if someone ate your pants?
C: *in a 'duh, Mom' voice* Well, everyone would just wear two pairs of pants. That way if someone ate your pants you would still not be naked.
J: *daunted by A's cryin' throwdown begins sniffing pitifully* Me do it. *sniff* Big girl. Big girl do it. *sniff*
A: *not yet realizing he has won the crying competition* Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
C: Or, I could just wear a skirt.
Me: What if someone ate both pairs of your pants?
C: *looks at me like I have lost my mind* Who would do that?
Me: Ah yes, how silly of me. Clearly eating two pairs of pants is out of the question.
C: Yeah! You'd get a stomach ache.

#3 J's vocabulary expansion

J is at that stage now where her vocabulary is growing leaps and bounds every day. I think toddlers learn something like 10-15 new words on average per day. Our conversations have gone from...

J: Momee! Momee! Momee! Momee! Momee! Momee! Momeeeeeeeee!
Me: What!!??
J: *proudly* Bubbles.

to...

J: Momee, look'it! Momee, look'it! Momee, look'it! Momee, look'it! Momee, look'it! Momeeeeeee, look'it!
Me: What!!??
J: *proudly* Me bo' bubbles.


#4 More Humor From the Mind of an 8-Year Old


C: *pointing to the backseat* Mommy, there's something down there!
Me: What?
C: Just look, Mommy! Look down there.
Me: I can't right now, I'm driving. Just tell me what it is.
C: Mooom! I'm supposed to say l'ook down there', and then you say, 'Under where?'
Me: Why?
C: Just do it! Pleeease, Mom.
Me: Fine, under where?
C: Hahahaha! You said underwear!
Me: *sigh*

HR Hatin'

So for about a month now the AFPC (AF Personnel Center - our HR peeps) has had August 15th posted as the date when the fiscal year 2008 VSP (voluntary separation pay) plan is supposed to come out. As many of you know, I have been waiting for this program to come out so I can put in my separation paperwork and get a nice, fat chunk o' change. I wanted to make sure that I was first in line so that I could be guaranteed a slot (the AF is being much smarter about getting rid of people who have overages in their career fields and mine only has a few slots left after the FY 07 program closed out in May). So I tried calling my local personnel office about 50x both yesterday and today, and, of course, no one answered the phone or returned any of my messages because they are HR and what do they care about my career? So I sucked it up and got the kiddos up early and headed on down to base first thing this morning to make sure I got my paperwork in. When I get to the MPF (personnel office) the two civilian ladies working the customer service desk (who don't bother to get up and answer my question for 10 minutes -- EVEN THOUGH I AM THE ONLY PERSON IN THE OFFICE -- because one of them is on the telephone) have no idea what I am talking about. In fact, they don't even know what the VSP is. This is the customer service section, people. This program (for FY 07) has been out for over a year and they don't know what I am talking about??!! Finally, one of them suggests that I go upstairs and talk to the folks in Separations (who I had also tried calling with no success). So I go up there with questions in hand and receive the same blank stare from the girl in uniform at their front desk. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!?? These are the people who are supposed to be helping me and they don't have the first freaking clue what I am talking about. Can you seriously be that incompetent at your job? Finally she locates someone who actually knows what I am talking about and it turns out that AFPC has not yet released the message for the FY 08 program (in spite of the fact that the website has been saying it will be released today for the last damn month). Not only that, but he has no idea when the message will be released, what it will say, or what information I'll need to provide them with when the message is actually released. So I got the kids up early (meaning I stayed up after A's 5am feeding since it takes me that long to get everyone ready) and drove all the way to base for nothing all because AFPC didn't bother to update their website on, you know, the 14th of August and because no one would answer their goddamn phone. If I hadn't had the kids with me, I might have just let a few choice words fly (which would probably have been quite stupid since I will eventually have to go through these people to put my paperwork in even if they have no idea what they are doing). I can't believe that my HR department is so damn incompetent. Okay, that's not true. HR is almost always incompetent, but it's still very frustrating!

In other news, Hubs is on a business trip to Toronto this week, so I am all alone with the kids, wah! Plus his cell phone is getting roaming charges out there (I guess b/c he's in another country), so we can't even talk that much since we don't want to run up our phone bill :( Hubs is my beacon of sanity in an otherwise poop and puke-filled world. I miss him so much!

2 Down, 3 To Go

Of course the last one still has another 18 or so years before I can legally kick him out of the house, but who's counting? ;)

The step-kiddos left this weekend (in case you hadn't grasped that fact from my ever so obvious post title), and we are down to just our three. In fact, today is my first day sans kiddos in god knows how long (okay, technically there is a newborn in the house but since he sleeps for longer than a fifteen minutes at a time, he no longer counts!). Ah, sweet freedom! I can't remember the last time I had a good twenty minute stretch without hearing:

"Mom, I'm bored!"

"Mom, he/she hit me!"

"Mom, he/she is teasing me!"

"Mom, J/V/C/T won't share!"

"Mom, J/V/C/T said I'm a poop/booger/fart-head/nose/butt!"

"Mom, I'm still bored!"

"Mom, 'Nessa/Ca'tin/Tommy hit/bonk face/head (or some toddler-speak combination thereof)

Let me tell you, a baby screaming is nothing compared to hours on end of yelling at 4 insane children:

"Stop jumping on the bed!"

"Stop running in the house!"

"Don't hit your sister/brother!"

"Stop mauling your brother. Faces are not ticklish!"

*screaming at the top of my lungs* "Stop screaming! The baby is sleeping!" --and if that sounds counterproductive, let me tell you, it is.

At any rate, I do actually have things to do today (I go back to work on Thursday *sigh*). So I'l leave you with some pearls of wisdom I gleaned from someone else's blog (linked to by my sis MR):

Top 10 Toddler Rules of Possession
1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my hand, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must NEVER appear to be yours in anyway.
6. If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it looks just like mine, it is mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
10. If it's broken, it's yours

Quick Pics

I know I've been incognito for the last month, but I promise a nice long update when everyone leaves this weekend. A few things you may have missed: J turned 2 and A hit the two month mark. Hope you all are slightly less frazzled than I am!