Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Militant Uteruses (Or Is It Uteri?)

With all the talk about Terri Shaivo, lack of prominent femal bloggers, and the political prowess of the Christian Right, I thought it was both timely and important to bring back an old atricle from one of my favorite newspapers, The Onion. For your viewing pleasure:

Point-Counterpoint: Abortion
By Jessica Linden

It comes down to one thing: It's my body. Not Uncle Sam's, not Trent Lott's, not Pat Robertson's. Mine. Congress can demand a portion of my income, it can tell me how fast to drive, it can kill killers and anyone else it thinks it must to preserve a free and civil society. But my body—the skin, bones and organs that comprise me—is where the line gets drawn.
The decision to have or not have a child is mine and mine alone. I am not cattle for the government to order about, demanding that I bring an unwanted child to term. Stripping me of the right to control my own destiny dehumanizes me, period. Anything less than my choice, on my terms, reduces me to property.
The right-wing anti-choice movement loves to preach its views from an idealistic, pie-in-the-sky universe where nothing uncomfortable ever has to happen to anyone, but that's not reality. Life is filled with pain and hard choices. Choices one may or may not regret later. But it's that individual's right to make the choice.
You think America is the land of the free? The last country on Earth that would ever oppress women? My grandmother remembers when women could not vote in this country. And, boy, do we have a lot more progress left to make.
One certainly has to wonder: How would things be different if men could get pregnant? It would certainly be fun to watch the patriarchal elite of Congress scramble to cover themselves if it all changed overnight.
And one more thing: Who would care for all the children born into a world that prohibits abortion? Who would be there to raise all those unwanted, abandoned children? It would certainly be a different world, full of orphanages jammed with parentless children, robbed of a fair chance to grow up in a stable environment because of what some politician deemed moral in some oak-walled chamber on Capitol Hill. To say nothing of the women maimed or even killed by barbaric, back-alley abortions because a bunch of rich, white men made the safe alternative unavailable to her.
Keep your laws off my body, America.
By Gen. William Patterson, U.S. Army

To protect America's interests, it is sometimes necessary to mobilize and deploy a military force. We now stand on the brink of such a time.
The tactical importance of Jessica Linden's uterus to national security is twofold: First, with its rich, fertile walls, this uterus is a vital source of future Americans. Second, the uterus is situated in an extremely strategic location, leaving it vulnerable to a hostile foreign power. This uterus must be given top priority by the Pentagon. Establishing a strong U.S. military presence in Jessica Linden's uterine region is by far the most sensible course of action.
I propose that four U.S. Army divisions be deployed to Jessica Linden's uterus no later than midnight Friday. Once there, a reconnaissance force of 200 men will be stationed on her cervical perimeter, denying entrance to any unauthorized personnel or equipment. Another two battalions will be stationed inside the uterus itself, where they will set up camp and, if necessary, conduct armed patrols in force.
Remaining personnel will conduct amphibious patrol in the forward vaginal canal and as far back as the fallopian entrances, scouting for cervical dilation or other such activity. The entire operation will receive air support from a wing of Blackhawk helicopters, which will rotate in pairs patrolling the greater vaginal area. Our forces will constitute a impenetrable iron diaphragm, preventing any and all foreign elements from compromising uterine security.
Should we encounter a foreign power disputing our claim upon the Linden uterus and surrounding vagina, we will be prepared to engage its forces in armed conflict. We will consider the nation's safety our number one priority, regardless of Ms. Linden's unwillingness to cooperate.
The Pentagon will consider a full-scale invasion of Jessica Linden's ovaries only as a last resort, after all other options have been exhausted. We recognize in principle Jessica Linden's sovereignty over the ovarian territory, but to prevent the loss of the reproductive system to a hostile power, we are prepared to do what we must, even if that means conducting a firebombing and strafing campaign that may result in full military hysterectomy. If we must destroy the uterus in order to save it, so be it.
If U.S. uterine occupation extends into the second week of October, we will install an irrigation and drainage system in anticipation of Miss Linden's menstrual cycle. This will not only benefit her, but provide our troops with a cleaner, more navigable terrain on which to conduct their military maneuvers.
I will further recommend that Congress establish a new Military Medal of Valor, to be called The Distinguished Cervix Cross For Courage In The Uterine Theatre. Naval soldiers may also request a burial within Miss Linden in the event of loss of life.
The U.S. must and will defend its interests in Jessica Linden's uterus, no matter what the costs.

Can't Even Keep Up With a Blog

Ah, yes, I can hear you all now, She's just another flash-in-the-pan blogger. Au contriare, my friends, I am just a really lazy blogger! :) Actually, we just swicthed over to mids, so I am working the uber-sleep friendly 1830-0630 shift I have grown to love so much. My days now consist of trying to pack in as much sleep as possible between getting home between 0730-0800 in the morning and having to pick up Caitlyn from school at 1400. It generally translates into about 5 hours a day, but that's only if I don't have any meetings or other appointments during the day. Just to give you all a taste of a normal week. This week alone I had Commanders Call at 1730 on Monday prior to the start of my shift. On Tuesday I had a no-go board to attend after shift at 0730 and the unit's quarterly awards ceremony at 1200. Wednesday I had a going-away lunch to attend at 1130, but I have the night off so I may very well get some sleep. However, Thursday I have my ultrasound at 1000, our weekly flight meeting at 1300, the unit's end-of-month promotion ceremony at 1400, flight bowling at 1500, and a going-away dinner at 1830, not to mention that I have to make it to the commissary (grocery store), Finance, Clothing Sales, and the gas station at some point. Then I work Friday through Sunday with Caitlyn home all day on the weekends to ensure that sleep is a complete impossibility.

Now that I've thoroughly bored you all to death with my incessent bitching ;) I slipped in a little tidbit of actual news there. My ultrasound is tomorrow morning, so sometime tomorrow afternoon I should be posting whether or not the next Podolny monster is going to be a boy or a girl.!

Friday, March 11, 2005

Baby Yelena Posted by Hello

My First Post

Well, I've been inspired by my girls, Laura and Susanne, to start blogging. I've had such a tough time keeping in touch with everyone since I moved to Japan. So, I decided to take a hint from my bestest friends, who just happen to live in Germany and Seattle respectively, and start blogging as a way to keep everyone updated on life's little moments.

The first big news is that my older sister gave birth to her first child a few days ago. Little baby Yelena Beverly Shaterian was born on March 6th at 2:59pm after a relatively short 12 hour labor. See adorable picture below :) My mom and sister were both present for the birth. *sigh* Though I love the experience of living in Japan, I am really jealous that I miss out on events like this.

In other baby news, I am expecting my second child, due August 18th, just two days before my birthday! I've got a couple more weeks before my ultrasound, but the doc thinks it may be a boy based on the heartbeat. I'm not getting my hopes up because it seems that the Podolny name is destined to die out based on the number of girls vs boys born in the last 50 some years (that would be 7 to 0). Perhaps this is God's way of telling us that people are sick and tired of trying to pronounce it! Caitlyn, of course, has requested that I make her a baby sister. I've attempted to explain that I don't actually get a say in the sex of the baby, but she seems to think I'm just holding out on her :)

I won't make this first entry too long. Tune in next time for musings on fitness, food, pregnancy, wierd Japanese crap, and the amazing things 6-year olds do when they think you're not looking!