3rd Times the Charm - Navigating the Special Education System

When we left off, I was complaining about the VA special needs system. Well, I'm sorry to say that our experience this time around has pretty much mirrored our first experience if not exceeded it in terms of crappiness. After our two years in Manila at a wonderful school that provided him excellent support,* which was supplemented with regular Skype ST sessions with our therapist in the US, we were hopeful that A could continue to make regular gains. We also came back with IEP in hand, so they had no choice but to continue offering him ST. This time around we entered the Fairfax County Public School (FCPS) system. FCPS is regularly ranked as one of the best school systems in the country. I repeat: in the whole damn country. Our experience has been that that reputation is vastly undeserved. While the school had no choice but to continue his ST - I still had to fight to get regular updates or any information about the type of therapy that was being used. At our first meeting with the school I noted that Husband and I were concerned because A was not reading yet and he was already 1/2 way through 1st grade. I was told that it was too early for them to be able to judge since he had just entered the school system. Fair enough, but I wanted our concerns noted in his IEP meeting notes so that they would be there for future reference. His classroom teacher - who I want to note was FABULOUS(!!)** - also noted that she had some concerns about his academic performance and suggested that he be enrolled in a before-school reading intervention program, which we agreed to. Unfortunately the before-school program did not seem to help, and A was still not reading. I called to school to voice my concern and was told we could discuss it at the end of year IEP meeting.

Fast forward to May when I came back from Manila, and we again convened for the end of year IEP meeting to discuss progress, goals, etc. At this point A was still not reading, although he was beginning to learn better, savvier strategies for hiding it. So I again raised my great concern that here we were at the end of the school year and A was no closer to reading than he had been at the beginning of the year. In spite of a whole academic year and the before-school program, A entered FCPS reading at a DRA level 3 and ended the school year at the exact same level. Literally no progress had been made. His teacher stressed that this was really not within the normal bounds of elementary learning, and she was concerned that there might be some other reason that was keeping A from making progress. The committee, however, told me that since the school year was about to end there was no way to start the testing process for anything new this late in the game. We would have to wait until next school year, at which point we would have to request an evaluation which would require having him monitored by his new classroom teacher (who would need at least a month or two to get to know A and determine whether or not he/she thought there was a need for intervention). Then, if the teacher thought there was a need, they would try some in-class interventions to see if that helped (another 2-3 months), if that didn't help then they would conduct a battery of psycho-educational tests to determine if there was a delay or disorder. All that is to say, we'd be long gone for Hong Kong before the school system ever determined whether or not there was anything actually wrong with my son much less have figured out any way to help him. Fucking ridiculousness. I pointed out that the process would take more than half a year, and by the time they actually did anything A would be an illiterate 3rd grader. At this point I did get some sheepish looks, as if they themselves realized how fucked up and slow the process was, but, I was told, nothing could be done. You have to follow the process.

At this point I was so frustrated and fed up, and, frankly, I didn't trust FCPS to follow through on anything anyway. So I went ahead and plunked down $3,000 for private testing and came out with the exact diagnosis we expected (dyslexia and dysgraphia)*** and one we didn't (ADHD).**** With evaluation in hand, I went back to FCPS hopeful that we could open up a new IEP and start helping my son at the beginning of the year. Oh, how foolishly hopeful of me. I did find out, however, that FCPS has something called a summer session meant to test kids that have possible needs identified when regular school is out of session. Which would have been great knowledge to have when the idiots at the elementary school told me IT WASN'T POSSIBLE to have him tested until the next school year and then I shelled out $3,000 to have it done because I was so desperate to start helping my son. F.u.c.k.i.n.g. ridiculousness. How is it possible that the IEP team at my children's school was not aware of this? After I got over being angry, I charged ahead because in the end all I care about is helping my child. So we ended up meeting over the summer during the FCPS summer session where all of the IEP team members (different than the ones at my local school, although the VP did attend as the school's representative) agreed that the testing we had done was incredibly thorough and they saw no reason not to re-open the IEP. They did note that there was no social worker report, something that is required by the school system, so we scheduled that. I signed all the paperwork and went off about my way happy and excited that my son might actually start the year with some new assistive measures in place. Me and my silly hope.

In spite of the fact that I met with the social worked in August, and A met with the school system's psychologist at the same time, we started the school year with nary a peep from the school. After a couple of weeks, I became concerned that I hadn't received anything regarding his new IEP. After 3 weeks, I started contacting the school. After 4 weeks I finally got a response in which I was informed that the school was re-conducting all of the tests to come up with their own diagnosis. The fuck????!!!! Apparently, despite the fact that everyone at the summer session meeting agreed that the private testing we had done was above and beyond anything the school needed they still somehow thought they needed to conduct their own tests to, what, ensure that we spent our $3K wisely? I really have no freaking clue, and the school rep couldn't really explain it to me either beyond the fact that it was necessary to complete the testing (and then the analysis of the testing, which, oh by the way, is the really lengthy part). All that is to say that they finally asked if we could schedule a meeting to discuss A's eligibility on Oct 17th. Eligibility, people. Do you know what that means? That means it is a meeting to discuss his test results wherein they will (if they have any decency at all) say, why, yes, we agree that A has some issues that need to be addressed. That's it! The eligibility meeting is solely to discuss whether or not your child may qualify for services. No talk about any actual service or accommodation that might be forthcoming. You have to set up a totally different meeting for that! And who knows when that will happen. I mean it will be six weeks into the school year before the school will even agree that there is a problem, 10 months after we originally identified it! And that elevated timeline is solely due to the fact that I was able to spend $3K and countless hours to get a diagnosis for my son. My heart bleeds for the many, many families who could not possibly afford to get outside help.

So, I gave up on the school system. After all of this, I started doing some digging to try and figure out what I could do. What I unearthed just made me feel even more desperate. FCPS does not even recognize dyslexia. Much less have a coherent strategy to help affected children. His reading assistance will likely be with whatever reading specialist is already assigned to the school who probably does not have any specialized training for kids with special needs. There are several well known, peer tested and reviewed therapeutic systems for helping kids with dyslexia. FCPS uses none of these, which I guess isn't surprising since they refuse to acknowledge it exists anyway. After feeling even more depressed, I put on my big girl pants and started strategizing on what I could do. I scoured the web for resources and found a tutor who specializes in the Wilson Program (based on the Orton-Gillingham system) at a cost of $75/45 minutes. Ouch. For kids with dyslexia it is recommended that they have at least 1hr/day additional 1-1 reading support using a system like Wilson. Double ouch. Well, since we could never afford that, and we have other obligations during the week, we settled on 2x/week. As much as we can't afford this right now, at least I will know that we are doing everything we can to help A get started with reading.

*I cannot rave enough about International School Manila. We always say that it was the best part of our tour in Manila. 

**Our experience with FCPS has been that the individual teachers are amazing, but the system itself is a bureaucratic mess. 

***Actually, FCPS doesn't even recognize the term dyslexia (please don't ask me why), so it is termed "Specified Disorder in the Area of Reading." 

****Although, now having received this diagnosis and learned more about what it actually is, it really helps explain a lot!

The Saga Continues - The Difference Between SPED Programs From State to State

So I promised an update on A's journey through the world of special education, and I want to follow through on that because I think it's terribly important. If I have learned anything from our experiences so far it is that I am utterly grateful for the Special Needs Education Allowance (SNEA) provided by the State Department when we are stationed overseas.* I think it is hands down the best benefit offered in the Foreign Service. In the U.S. services and testing vary widely by state. We had some experience with this in NM when we wanted to have C tested for giftedness (a ridiculously complicated and lengthy process designed to wear down even the most persistent of parents). On the other end of the spectrum, we were delighted with the system in FL, which was easy to understand and navigate.** Since we had no understanding of how the public assistance system worked (and, in fact, did not even know such a thing existed), we had our initial testing done privately at the Children's Hospital in Tampa at a total cost of about $5,000. The high cost was because they administered a battery of my developmental/psycho-educational tests in addition to physical tests such as hearing and sight tests in order to zero in on the best diagnosis. After we received his initial diagnosis of Apraxia and SPD, they instructed us to contact the State's Early Childhood Education program to get him started with services. It was fortunate because our insurance classified Apraxia as a developmental disorder (many do), therefore it was not covered at all, and we would have had to pay for all of his therapy out of pocket. Speech therapy alone runs anywhere from $60-100/hr, so if you have a child who needs ST 3x-5x/week you can just imagine how many people can afford that. Add in OT and PT and, well, thank goodness there are State-run programs.

Our journey in VA (both times we've been here), however, was truly the polar opposite. I really dislike living in VA for this reason (and a number of other reasons not really relevant to this blog post), but no other location is convenient to my work location (by convenient I mean if we wanted to live in MD it could tack on as much as 45min-1hr to my commute, and DC is a far worse school option than VA). The VA school system is enormous and for being incredibly wealthy (VA is one of the richest states in the nation, and Northern VA in particular is known for its high income and high taxes) it certainly doesn't put any of that money into special education. We have had to fight the system tooth and nail every step of the way just to get my son the most basic of services.

We first moved to VA in 2011 when I joined the FS. Considering how well regarded the VA public school system is, I was shocked at how we were treated.*** In FL, A was offered full-time spec needs pre-K. They provided him door to door bus service, and we met regularly with his pre-K team, which included an OT, ST, and 2 spec needs pre-K teachers who sent home regular updates. We loved it. Then we came to FL (Falls Church City, to be exact), where they took one look at his FL IEP and said, well this isn't from VA so we're not sure what to do with you. At first they told us there wasn't anything they could offer A. He wasn't "needy enough" for their pre-K program and the only support they were willing to offer was 1x/week ST with a therapist we would have to travel to see smack in the middle of the work day. Yeah, because that would absolutely be doable for two working parents. Anyway, we fought it and ended up having him entered into the Mt. Daniel pre-K program basically solely because he had been receiving that kind of service in FL. If we had had him diagnosed in VA, I guarantee you they would have told us to go fuck ourselves. However, the pre-K program was only a half day program - so he went to school from 9-12 with regular bus service, meaning we had to take him to a prearranged bus stop even though he was the only child there at those times. It was inconvenient, and if Husband hadn't decided to stop working at that point we never would have been able to take advantage of it because there was no option for before or after school care. The class had mostly children who did have needs that were more severe than A's and it began to show in his behavior pattern. He also lost some of the gains he had made during his time in FL since he was receiving less 1-on-1 ST pull-out time and no OT (they didn't have it). I never received any communication from the school without initiating it myself. This is also where he fell on the playground and knocked out his front tooth (an accident no one was able to explain to me since no one actually witnessed it giving me even more confidence in the VA program). It was a 180 degree experience from our time in FL. Unfortunately, having just taken an enormous pay cut to join the FS, we really didn't have any other choice.

To be continued...

*The intent is to provide supplemental education for children with identified needs who would qualify for services if the family were posted in the U.S. - in reality this means that I can pursue the types of educational supplementation that I think would best benefit my son without having to fight the U.S. school system tooth and nail to have those services provided. It is a lifesaver!

**FL also offers free pre-K for neurotypical children, it is a pretty fucking awesome place to live with young children!

***By contrast, FL public schools fall within the lower 25% of the entire country. 

Sick Day

While updating resources on my quick links page, I realized it has been a while since I did an update on A's journey. I have a lot to say, not only because so much has happened, but also because I am so, so unimpressed with VA and Fairfax County in particular. If you have a child with special needs, I would highly recommend steering clear of this school district unless you are able to afford hiring a private advocate. They have screwed up my son's IEP denying him needed services over a sustained period of time, and after being promised that his new IEP would be in place at the beginning of this year, we find ourselves 3+ weeks into the school year with not one contact from the special education office at his school. He's not receiving any services, and he's certainly not getting any accommodations in the classroom. It's all so very frustrating. 

Anyway, that all be in a post to come. This quick one is just to remind my future self that along with the wonder that is fall (oh how I love fall!), the change in the weather also brings along the sickies. We've all of us been felled by some cold or other over the last week and a half. N in particular has had a cold for over a week, and yesterday he started really complaining - overly clingy, constantly crying, wanting to be held every moment of the day. He didn't have a fever and his cough had subsided, so we couldn't figure out what was going on. I surmised it must be something we couldn't detect like an ear infection, and sure enough today the rotor confirmed that he had an ear infection in the left ear. She said it would be a few days before the antibiotics really kicked in, so it seems we have a few cranky baby days ahead of us. Good thing we had just started trying to sleep train, ha ha! In the good news department, N is up to 2 teeth (second one just broke through today, in fact), and he has started crawling. Actually, I'm not sure if that is good news or bad. I suppose we better get off our butts and baby-proof the house. Maybe once I'm over this cold...

On Peeing

Received from school today:

"Unfortunately today at break time A made the decision to urinate in the garden near the Kindergarten corridor.  Another Kindergarten student from another class also did similar.  I have spoken to A about making wise choices and the inappropriateness of his actions."

My response: Oh.My.God. 
Husband's response: That's my boy!

*Also, let me say that this has never been an issue with the girls!

My Out of Sync Child

So it's been a while since I last posted about our journey with A. He continues to receive speech therapy through the school (which is totally awesome, I am super impressed with the services we received at the International School here - way better than anything we got in the States!). They even offered up a return to OT when it was written out of his last IEP. Unheard of in the US public school system where it takes an act of God to adjust a child's IEP. He also receives additional out-of-school therapy thanks to the Special Needs Education Allowance (SNEA) we receive through the FS. This allows us to supplement what he gets in school without having to hassle with insurance that might not cover therapy received at an overseas location.

We are really lucky in so very many ways. A has a diagnosis, he gets plenty of therapy from appropriate sources, he has a loving family that stays engaged with his therapy team, and he goes to a top notch school. And, yet, there are still so many things that can't really be addressed through his current therapies. His proprioceptive behaviors, his inability to relate to other children his age, his complete obliviousness to the world around him.

I came across this the other night, and it made me cry. It really sums up a lot of my feelings about our situation. Except that in our case, A is the youngest child so I am constantly, painfully aware of how different things are. Normally it is not really an issue, A is a happy and loving little boy, and I feel so much joy to be a part of his little world. But sometimes those differences just up and smack you in the face, and I am often not prepared for how hard they hit. I joked about A's behavior at his school concert the other day, but in reality I was heart-broken to see how completely oblivious he was to what was going on around him. As we followed his class out of the auditorium to say our goodbyes and take pictures, I watched as he tried to engage with another little boy in his class who looked at him with such disdain in his eyes. A was completely, blissfully unaware. It made my heart ache. Sometimes the hardest part of parenting is accepting that you have so little control. I just didn't think I would have to face that so soon.

Mamapalooza

So after lots of work-y time, gots to get some Mommy-time in. I took Thus off of work solely to witness the wonder that was our first elementary school concert. First up - Kindergarteners. Their beatnik poet version of 50 Below Zero was breathtaking.

Even more moving? My son's courageous decision to stand in the middle of the stage with a scarf over his face following the performance. Stage fright or one man's touching interpretation of Pearl Jam's Force of Nature (one man stands alone)? You be the judge.

5 hours later* - 1st graders! Expressive movement set to orchestral pieces of Camille Saint Saens’ Carnival of Animals. No shit. J was an awesomely bitchy lion.

All the performances were moving in their own right, but the coolest part of the show? Two words. Live. Streaming. International school is so freaking cool!

*I admit - we took a break to get brunch and go grocery shopping.

Freebies!

Alas, I have let this whole 3-day weekend getaway from me (happy dance for being back with the federal government, who are the only ones besides school children who still get Columbus Day off!). I spent a whole day and half not studying at all! In case I have not mentioned it lately, if you are thinking about joining the Foreign Service while still pursuing other studies...don't! The overkill of constant studying is really taking a toll.  There is absolutely no break for me, and I feel as though I could be progressing much faster in language if I wasn't so encumbered by my Masters coursework. In my case, the money was already sunk, and I only have my Master's capstone after this last class finishes up in a couple of weeks, so it is worth it to see it out, even if it does mean that I am losing some of my hair (if hair meant sanity). Anyway, that was a very long explanation for why I don't have anything to blog about! I promise to post some pics of our trip to Falls Church's Farm Day 2011, but in the mean time here are some freebies I've been storing up to tide you over (and/or distract you from sending me nasty e-mails ;)


This interview* is with three foreign service officers and talks mostly about the changes in the service post-9/11. You can either listen to the broadcast or read the transcript.

For those with special needs children, someone on the FS Special Needs board recently posted a link to the 2011 Special Education Needs Seminar videos. This is a really fabulous resource with information on how to navigate the system, help in planning moves overseas, allowances, researching posts, and just pretty much anything you might want to know as a FS parent of a special needs child.

Free yoga! **

*Amb Munter came and spoke with my A-100 class, and he was such an awesome speaker! 
** Disclaimer - I have never actually used this site, it was just forwarded to me by a friend. So I can't vouch for how good any of these videos are!

Perils in Parenting - School Version

Everyone is heading back to school next week, and it has been a pain in the ass trying to get everything ready. Since C attended private school last year, she had to take placement tests for English (reading and writing) and Math. To her great disappointment my Francophile daughter will have to endure yet another year of Spanish (what they taught at her last school) since they only offer year 2 of French for 7th graders. I did, however, attempt to ease the sting by agreeing she could take chorus instead of band this year. I think 3 years of flute is torture enough. Because we had to wait for the results of C's placement tests we weren't sure what school supplies to buy. Now that we have them, I have to head back out and brave the crowds and empty aisles trying to track down the last few items she will need for the year. I am a bit worried about how she is going to deal with going from a very small school environment to one that is not only large (there are more kids in her grade than there were in her entire school last year) but also significantly more complicated. C will have to change classes by period (Math in one room, Spanish in another, etc.) as well as by day (each day's schedule is slightly different since only some classes are 5 days per week, while others are 2 or 3 days per week), contend with actual lockers (one in the main hall and one in gym) and floors (3 of them!), and the realities of middle school fashion choices (uniforms - I miss you already!). I have a feeling the 1st couple of weeks are going to be quite a challenge as she acclimates to this new environment.

As for J, well, it has been a bit of rough going there as well. She had gone in a few weeks ago to do a reading test and based on that assessment, I learned yesterday that the school has recommended that she repeat kindergarten. Now, I was already concerned because she is not reading and I felt like she was not at the same level as C had been at that age, but her K teacher from FL seemed to think she was ready for 1st grade. So it was a bit of a blow to have my fears given some credence. J is also very young (the youngest in her class), and I am not opposed to having her be the oldest rather than the youngest in her class. Plus, I would rather she have a strong foundation now instead of perpetually being behind and playing catch up. She's too young to be stressed about school yet. So I was feeling okay with this abrupt and sudden change of plans until I ran into some friends at the school's open house later that afternoon where I learned that the school had also recommended the same thing to them except they turned it down. I was not present when J took her assessment (Husband had to take her, but he wasn't permitted in the room), but my friend S said that she felt the assessment was unfair, that the administrator had been cold and a little intimidating. It's understandable that a young, shy child might clam up and not want to answer questions in an unfamiliar and somewhat scary environment. So now I feel very conflicted. Did I make the right decision for J? I don't want her to feel bad about having to repeat a grade, but I want to make sure she has a really good foundation before we throw her into international school (which generally has even more rigorous standards than U.S. schools). All her new friends here at Oakwood FC will be going into 1st, and I wonder what they/she will think about not being together in the same grade. Did I make the right decision?

A's school entrance have also been somewhat of a nightmare. 1st we had the contention of just getting him in in the first place. Then we had to wait for all the new paperwork to get processed. So when I took in J yesterday I asked about A's class & teacher, and they didn't even have a file on him yet! School starts Tuesday!! Anyway, after some scrambling and a lot of time being sent from person to person in the school, I got word today that A will for sure be in the afternoon program, as well as am e-mail from his new teacher. They have also changed his IEP to reflect the appropriate language, hours of therapy, etc. to meet VA's requirements. He may also have to get two more shots (they never reviewed his shot records since there was no enrollment verification, so no one told me that VA has different standards for immunizations than FL). After all the issues we've faced changing from just one state to another I can only imagine the hell we're going to face when we transfer overseas.

Of course, husband is in LA right now, so I've been taking care of all this + the one-legged dog all on my own (wah, wah). I try not to let my decisions weigh too heavily on me (my thought is usually, what's done is done and you just have to move forward rather than dwelling on the past), but I can't help it when it comes to the kids. Did we do the right thing putting them back in public school (especially for C)? Did I make the right decision having J repeat kindergarten? Will A thrive in his spec ed pre-K or will the other kids need much more attention so he gets lost in the shuffle? This parenting thingy really sucks some times.

Checkin' In

Just a brief post to say I'm still here! ConGen is progressing nicely (we graduate next Monday!). We've made it through Passport & Nationality, Immigrant Visas (IV), and Non-immigrant Visas (NIV), and now we are working our way through American Citizen Services (ACS). The work is incredibly diverse and interesting. I have studied everything from how to detect fraudulent documents and micro expressions to interviewing techniques. Today, for example, we role played death notifications. Not exactly light subject material but, unfortunately, a reality of our job. I continue to hear wonderful things about Manila through the grapevine and it just feeds the fire of our excitement, in spite of the fact that we won't be leaving for almost a whole year!

In other news the kids are mostly settled for school. Yesterday J went in for her reading placement test (all 1st graders must do this), and today I took C in to meet with her 7th grade school counselor who helped her pick out her schedule for the year. she'll need to come back next week for a math placement test (a reading comprehension assessment will be done for all students at the same time after the start of the school year). At her last school she took advanced math, which doesn't fit in nicely with any of the offered categories here in FC (i.e. algebra or geometry), so this test will help us figure out where she needs to be. She will also be taking chorus in place of band (I'm tired of fighting over it), continuing with Spanish (she would have preferred French, but they don't offer French A for 7th graders), and this is a civics/economics year vs. History. I'm actually okay with that as one of my biggest worries about attending international schools is the lack of U.S. history and government instruction. As for A, after a bit of a head/heart ache over transferring his IEP (no two states are the same, so they were having trouble deciphering his needs) we have been offered the option of having A enroll in the spec ed pre-school option or just taking outside services (which would equate to just 1 hour of speech and 1 hour of language with an ST, and one hour of OT, per week). Unfortunately, FC does not have the option we pursued in FL, which was an all-day, language based program that mixed neuro-typical kids with mild spec needs kids. The school here is only half-day, and it sounds like it is intended for kids with far more severe needs than A, but I am loathe to restrict his services to just a couple of sessions per week. I think we are going to go with the school option for now and see how that goes. We can always pull him from the program if we think it isn't working out.

To wrap up this quick update, T&V went back to Texas last weekend (back down to 3!)and I finished my last class of the semester with a killer final. Once ConGen ends it will be a little bit of a break for me while I take a few onesie, twosie classes before I launch into language training on 6 Sep, coincidentally the same day the kids start school.

Officially Sworn In

So Friday was graduation day, at least for the 161st A-100 class it was. I'm excited and a little sad to see it all end, although I have to admit I was ready to be done with the 8hr lecture days! Most of my classmates had their entire families come out for the big day to see them get sworn in, it very much reminded me of the excitement surrounding my commissioning day as an AF officer* I wish I could have been more enthused, but I generally hate these types of events (I even skipped my own college graduation!). It does feel really good to be an official FSO, though. Now I just need to get my paws on that little black passport and I'll be on my way to ruling the world, mwah hah hah hah...er, I mean I'll be on my way to Manila. Same thing.

Anyway, since I enjoy imposing some type of order on this incredibly eclectic and nonsensical blog, I've decided to try and use this forum to actually provide some useful information in addition to my bits of random and useless info. Thus I bring you:

Useful Bits

This whole experience of joining the FS with a special needs kid has been quite the adventure. It is not as simple as having just a Class 2 Med EFM (eligible family member), which you can get cleared through Med itself. For a special needs kid you have to get substantiating info from the schools at Post that they have the appropriate curriculum for whatever it is your particular child needs (in our case A needs speech and occupational therapists and has an IEP that lays out specific goals in each of these areas). You also have to get verification from Post that they have the specialists needed to support the child’s IEP. Originally I had not planned to contact Post until I was much closer to my ETA since my TM1 (the travel message that lets Post know I’m coming) hasn’t even been issued yet, and I hadn’t even begun to think about choosing a school for the kids yet since I still have to enroll them for this school year here in VA! Ah, well, this long-term planning is generally right up my alley. I have sent the CLO (Community Liaison Officer) an e-mail to see if they can help me out since I don’t even know where to start to gather all this info! There is also yet another yahoo group dedicated to FS parents with special needs kids that I am hoping will be another good resource of information for us as we try to figure all this out. Oh, and State does have a lot of guidance out there both on the internet and the intranet, but every situation with a special needs child is unique so each case must be handled individually. Will keep you posted on how this progresses regardless of interest, lol.

Random Shit

On the way home from mandatory fun last week, some friends and I were discussing the blogosphere, and they were stymied by the fact that they couldn’t come up with a clever name for their blogs. First I had to explain that my blog name is actually sort of clever, or at least not insulting (Pu is my Chinese name – pronounced Pooh, not Pee Yew as so many people seem to think. My blog name is a play on Pooh’s Corner, not a reference to my BO). So, anyway, my girlfriend from A-100, M, came up with the awesome idea for a blog named, “I Would Rub My Face All Over That.” She was referring to the rotating gold statue of ex-president of Turkmenistan

but she was also open to the idea of rubbing her face all over the Neutrality Arch

Personally, I think this is a fucking fantastic idea for a blog. Imagine all the things you’d like to rub your face all over like:

Giant Pandas

Pilipino Rice Terraces

Giant piles of pink feathers

Hugh Jackman

A big bowl of pho

Okay that last one might not be such a good idea depending on how hot the soup was, but, still, that’s a lot of shit to rub your face all over. The possibilities are endless!

*Fun Fact - The FS oath of office and the military officer oath of office are exactly the same! :)

1 Week Down

Only 5 more to go. Week 1 was a lot of information and even though we are mostly just sitting and absorbing the info given to us, I feel incredibly wiped out. We received our bid list on Tuesday. There are about as many jobs as there are people in my class, but we have to bid on all of them. We get the choice of bidding every location/job at either High, Medium, or Low, but, of course, the decision on where to send you is based on the needs of the service, so we have been cautioned not to fall in love with a certain job since the only thing that is truly certain in the FS is that you should remain flexible!

For us the process will be a bit more complicated. A was given what is called a Class 2 medical clearance because of his Apraxia. This means that any post we're sent to must have the appropriate care available and we must verify it through MED before we can be given clearance to go to post. In order to figure out which posts on our bid list were actually open to us, I poured through what medical care is available at each post on the list (e.g. did they have a speech therapist), then I looked at the information compiled by the Office of Overseas Schools, which does mini-recaps of the international schools available at each post and states whether or not they have special education resources (and whether the ones hat do meet US standards). This narrowed the list down by about 2/3 for us. Then we used some other criteria to help sort out the remaining available posts into either Mediums or Highs (the ones we can't go to will all be Lows). It has really changed the way I had originally looked at how we might bid, and I should forewarn everyone that we may not end up in any part of the world we had expected (there are also about 20 Mandarin speakers in my class competing for the much less than 20 China posts).
The good news is that if we don't get China as our 1st post, we will definitely get it for our 2nd post (just the way the FS works if you took the S/CNL points), so we will get there eventually.

Weekend Round-up?

What the hey? A weekend round-up? We never do those around here. Alright, so I realize I've been all doomy and gloomy recently (wah I have to get a root canal, wah I have no iron in my blood, wah my job sucks, etc. etc.). And I've realized something from all this, an epiphany if you will...no one wants to comment on your posts when all you do is whine! So take that nugget of wisdom for what it's worth, lol ;) So we're taking things in a new direction. Da Hubs and I have been doing a bit of talking and a bit of planning, and I am hoping that this will help me focus on future goals and not get so aught up in the crapiness of the now. Plus, it's like 82 degrees out (we went from straight Winter to 1 week of Spring, to full-blown Summer, yay!) and we spent all weekend at the beach. Who can be pissy about that!

We had a lovely Easter. The Easter Bunny once again outsmarted herself by failing to count the number of eggs put out, but I'm sure we'll figure it out eventually :) Much candy was eaten, much energy was expelled by randomly running around in circles and shrieking. Oh, and we gave some to the kids, too. All in all, about what one can expect from a successful Easter in a non-Christian household.

In other news, A has a humungo appointment coming up on Wednesday to get tested for FIDLRS. This is the The Florida Diagnostic and Learning Resources System, which is basically the Early Steps for age 3 and up. This appointment is so they can test him to see where he falls on the development spectrum now and will basically affect the rest of his life...or something not quite so dramatic. Not sure yet. Anyway, our level of support from the state will be based on the outcome of their assessment, so it is pretty important. Our ST is coming over tonight (instead of during the day like usual) so she can prep me for what to expect. This will also mark of the start of our venture into IEPs, which are extremely important for parents to understand so they can properly advocate for their kids. To say I'm nervous would be putting it mildly.

In not so big news, da Hubs is working on becoming a regular Betty Crocker. Or at least one with a clean eating bent. He successfully tackled the Fitnessista's Sweet Potato Black Bean Chili (we added pork tenderloin to the mix because, well, I love meat), and it turned out to be really, really delicious. I knew it had to be good because it was made with sweet potatoes (and you all know how I feel about them - I heart u sweet potato!!) and black beans (never been a huge fan of beans in general, but I have come to discover that I lurve black beans). So, so yummy. And so, so nice to come home to a completely prepared meal without my having to lift one finger!

All Kinds of Fucked Up

Sorry for the continued radio silence. Work has continued to be crazy busy and I don't foresee it slowing down anytime soon. In addition, Hubs has a new job (yay, Hubs!) that he will be starting on Monday. He is already doing ad hoc work for his old company and working on his MBA (he's taking 3 classes right now, isn't he nuts!), so our schedules are about to get even busier. I think I'm just going to have to accept that blog posts are going to be fewer and more far between than I would like. I blog for two big reasons: first and foremost it acts as an open e-mail-like dialogue for me to keep in contact with family and close friends, but secondly it acts as a record for me to keep track of what we've been up to. I don't keep a diary, so the blog is really the only thing I have that reminds me of all the things we do/have done. So it makes me sad when I think of all these things I would like to blog about but just never seem to have time to get down on paper *sigh*

Anyway, my other big excuse for not blogging how we've been all kinds of fucked up lately. I recently had two crowns replaced on either side of my mouth (because I am smart like that), and while the temporary ones were on (got the permanent ones on today), I was in horrific pain. I think it was just that my crowns were so big that when they removed them and put the very tiny temporary ones on, some of the tooth was exposed that hadn't been exposed to elements for many, many years and so it was terribly sensitive. It has been so painful that I have to take aspirin every 3-4 hours plus the prescription pain meds they gave me (which I only take at night since you can't drive on them) just to be able to function normally. I haven't been able to eat solid foods for two weeks now, and it is driving me insane! I have the new ones on now, but I am still very numb so it remains to be seen if the blinding pain will subside now. On top of that, Hubs gave himself a very nasty cut on his foot while trying to clean up some broken glass in the garage. Luckily he did not need stitches, but they did give him a tetanus shot (aren't they sweet) and, of course, it is very painful to do anything (drive, walk, etc.) since it is on the bottom of his foot.

Okay, enough about the bad stuff. A has been making some really significant progress in therapy. He recently learned how to say mean (men!) as in, while we were waiting for Tim at the ER I ate one of his vanilla wafers (okay, I sucked on it until it turned to mush and then ate it, lol) and he looked at me horrified and cried, "Mean!" lol. C has started softball and really seems to like it. Softball is a much more relaxed sport than soccer, and her team seems very laid back and just there to have fun. It is really perfect for C's style.

J has been taking gymnastics at her school (it's offered as part of the after school program) and is now very into twirling around and doing somersaults. She is also very interested in horses (if only it weren't so expensive!). She recently told me about her dream to own a horse:

J: Mommy, my biggest dream in the whole world is to have my very own horse. No wait, a unicorn.
Me: Wow, that sounds like fun.
J: That flies.
Me: That would be cool.
J: She would be my friend and I would call her princess and we could fly all over the world and eat candy.
Me: That sounds like a wonderful dream.
J: Want to know what my other most favorite, biggestest dream is?
Me: What?
J: *sighs dreamily* I want to drive a truck.

We also recently acquired a new family pet. Christmas Sprinkles came to us courtesy of the Wal-Mart fish department. She was a lovely beta fish. And if you haven't guessed from my use of past tense, Christmas Sprinkles is no longer with us (nor is Christmas Sprinkles 2, but that's another story). Christmas Sprinkles passed on after just a few days of ownership and Tim and I were concerned that the kids would be upset about her death, so we did what all good parents do and surreptitiously flushed her down the toilet without telling anyone. To my great surprise I overheard a conversation between J&C over their morning bowl of cereal:

C: What happened to Christmas Sprinkles?
J: *shrugs* She just dieded.
Me: How did you know that?
J: I just saw her this morning in her bowl and she was dead.
C: Are you sad that Christmas Sprinkles is dead?
J: I guess *pauses thoughtfully* but sometimes things died...and sometimes they stay alive. That's how it goes.

True wisdom from a four-year-old. So we did end up replacing Christmas Sprinkles. We now have two goldfish, Cinderella and Snow White, and a small yellow fish, Mr. Bananas. So far they're still living. As J would say, that's how it goes!

Still Here

Well, work has been as crazy as I had predicted. Last week I left the house every day by 6am and didn't get home before 6pm even once :( To top it off, last weekend was my Reserve weekend, so I was into my 12th day of straight work with no break. Not fun! In slightly better work news, although I will continue to be so busy I hardly have time to breathe, I am going to be heading to Germany for a week in support of this project. I had hoped to be able to take a day or two additional so I could swing up to Amsterdam to see my lil' sis and fiance, but I think I'm going to have to bank on them possibly having time to come down to Frankfort to see me :(

In other news, we had an update meeting with Early Steps today to talk about A's transition from the ES program (0-3 years) to FDLRS, which is FL's program from kids aged 3 and up. This was just a preliminary meeting to get the paperwork started, but I did find out that even if he does qualify for services (which I have no doubt he will) there will be a three month gap from the time he turns 3 in June until school starts in late August where he won't be covered by ES or FDLRS. My ES coordinator is going to try and help us secure some funding from other sources, but I have a bad feeling I make too much money to qualify for any special funding. So there's an extra 3mos of $$ we're going to have to sock away for A's therapy *le sigh* The good news is that FDLRS covers the cost of pre-K and transportation (yes, he will ride the short bus, lol!), so once school starts we won't have to worry as much. A is due for his 6-month eval in Jan, so we'll get a formal assessment then of how he's progressed since he started therapy in July.

In my personal opinion A has made huge strides, but he still has a long, long way to go. He started out with no words and is now up to about 20 or so recognizable words, even more if you count sounds (e.g. he says doo doo for train, ruff ruff for dog, mao mao for cat, teet teet for bird). He still has a very hard time imitating sounds. If I tell him something is yellow, he repeats ee-ooo. He also uses sounds that are easier for him to say to describe lots of things. He calls trains doodoos (he can't say choo choo) but he also calls Scooby Doo, doo doo. He calls everything a truck (guck because he can't say the tr sound) whether it's a car, truck, bus or train. On the positive side, he is definitely trying to use language and those of us that are around him a lot can understand what he needs based upon a combination of his sounds and other cues. For example, if he's standing in the kitchen or pointing at the fridge and says, "Anna mek," I know he's saying, "I want milk." He also uses some signs, although those are pretty infrequent. I plan to start using the Baby Signing Time DVDs again since he seems more open to them now.

Our GF diet has kind of fallen to the wayside recently. It was very hard to get Tim's Grandma (who watches him during the day) to comprehend the idea of the GF diet, and her mistakes made it kind of for naught. No matter how hard I try to keep him on the diet, if she accidentally gives him a cookie or some other "no" food, all that time, effort and money (going GF is expensive!) goes out the window and you start the timeline all over again. Our care plan may change starting next year, so we'll try again when we have a little more control!

Stuffs

So Halloween has come and gone (as evidenced by the pics in my last post), and now we have entered the true Holiday Season. That is, now we get to be inundated with commercials about how we need to spend, spend, spend for all the upcoming holidays (Christmas, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, Kwanzaa, New Year’s, C’s Birthday*). This year the Hubs and I have decided to keep our spending to a minimum. We are hell bent on getting ourselves out of debt, and I can’t think of much that we actually “need” (vs. want J ) We will be buying each child one large gift and stocking stuffers. Wish us luck in actually sticking to that, lol!

In other news, A’s therapy is progressing well. He has approximate sounds that he uses as words, which I am starting to figure out. For example, he says:

Jus – juice

Tada – Potato (as in, Mr. Potato Head or just to refer to potatoes in general)

Doodoo – Scooby Doo

Eeeoo-uu - IDK

In other news, I totally forgot that I have my reserve drill this weekend (1st one at my new base), so if I promised to Skype with you that's obvs not going to be an option. Sowwy!

*This one is considered optional for the population at large, but Amazon likes to remind me that it is coming up and I should buy, buy, buy to prepare!

Today He Called Me Mama

And it was the sweetest sound I've ever heard.

Another Day, Another (potential) Diagnosis

A's SLP (I have included an acronym list at the bottom of this post..you may need to start referring to it for this and what looks to be many future posts) brought me some handouts on sensory integration (SID/SPD). She thinks A exhibits many proprioceptive behaviors (a lack of sensory input that causes the child to seek out stronger sensory input), which could be better addressed with OT.* Since we are switching our insurance from BC/BS (because they SUCK!) to Tricare, I called up the ES folks who are going to try and schedule an OT evaluation hopefully at some point in the next few months. As I am learning, I was actually fortunate to have forked over $1500 for A's speech and hearing evaluations through All Children's Hospital because they (being a private, for-profit organization) gave A thorough diagnostic testing and came up with an appropriate diagnosis fairly quickly. If you go through ES to being with, you will probably not be so lucky and may spend years waiting to get and appointment much less the proper diagnosis. Now that we are going to go through ES we already qualify for 2x/week speech therapy based on his initial diagnosis (which their independent evaluation confirmed); however, from this point forward we are back at square one for any other issues that might come up. If I were able to shell out the $$ for a private OT eval, we could probably get A in to see one in a fairly short time period, but since I can't afford any more medical bills we are going to have to put up with the system.

The good news is that A's ST is going well. He is very enamored with the word "no" and uses it almost constantly (I have never been more thrilled to hear a toddler say no!). His SLP gives us tons of information, tons of handouts and suggested therapy techniques. She has offered to start doing 1x/week with us at home and use the other session w/Hubs grandma, who is A's primary caregiver when I am at work and Hubs is in school. Although I would like to have all the sessions for us, I think she makes a good point that it is important for Grandma to be on the same page as us and using the same techniques to work on A's speech.

Various Acronyms for Your Reading Pleasure:
AOS - Apraxia of Speech
COS - Childhood Apraxia of Speech
SLP - Speech Language Pathologist
ST - Speech Therapist/Speech Therapy
OT - Occupational Therapist/Occupational Therapy
SID - Sensory Integration Disorder
SPD - Sensory Processing Disorder
ES - Early Steps (Florida's Early Intervention Program)
GF - gluten-free

Other Child News:

Wait, I have other children? You may not think so from reading this blog since I seem to be devoting much of my written time to A's journey, but I do in fact have a couple of other munchkins that I occasionally glance at from time to time ;) C & J have recently discovered computer games (I say recently only because I have only recently allowed C to start touching the home computer). So when Hubs settled down on the couch with his laptop last night it was no surprise that J immediately snuggled up to him and asked him to play a game with her.
"Sure," said Hubs," This game is called 'Help Daddy bet on the Dolphins.'"

*I may not want A to have any more issues than he already has, but this does explain a lot of his behavior, particularly his penchant for chewing on everything and his propensity to do every activity with the apparent intent of killing himself.

Cuttin Out the Tasty

So, based on some good advice from my mom (I should really just consult her before I run off willy, nilly like I always do), we had A tested for food sensitivities and vitamin deficiencies and the like. Lo and behold he is most definitely sensitive to gluten, but casein - no problem. So, yay we get to keep butter (THANK GOD!) and various dairyliciousness; however, I am going to have to figure out how to cut out every bit of gluten-based product in our house. Or, as my Hubs said, everything that is yummy tasting. Sorry, Hubs. The thing with gluten is that apparently it is very easy to get cross contamination, so you really do have to make the house basically gluten-free. That means I have to get rid of every bit of flour (and scrub and possibly repaint the cupboard where it was stored) and anything that might have been touched by a utensil or finger that previously touched a gluten-filled product (breadcrumbs in the peanut butter, flour in the sugar jar, and ohmygod I may have to burn down the kitchen and start from scratch). This going gulten-free thing is not going to be easy, but if it will help A then how can I not do it? The really hard thing is going to be bread. According to the internets (and the gluten-free goddess, who also has a fantastic guide on how to go gluten-free without completely losing your mind...or at least without losing all of it), gluten is that wonderous thing that gives bread and baked goods just the right texture. Not being a fabulous baker to begin with, I quiver in fear at the thought of having to make a just right, gluten-free bread to appease the whole family. This is a true test of my will, people! Pray to the baking gods for me...hopefully they are kinder than the magical pony gods of travel and will take some pity on a poor, overworked mom!

In some good news, A is now saying "no" and "go" with great gusto (okay, so they come out sounding more like new and goo, but still, I know what he means!). He also says "up" and "guck" (he measns stuck...anything he can't open/close/get to is stuck in his mind). So we are making some serious progress here! C is excelling in school. She is getting A's in all her classes except religion (where she got a big fat F, hah! That's what you get for having a Jewish mom!). She also started back up with band, where I was able to dazzle her with my absolute lack of any musical knowledge when she asked for my help in perfecting her E Flat (I gave her may best "WTF is that?" face, which promptly encouraged her to go ask her dad instead). J is also enjoying school. They do color-themed weeks which culminate in color appropriate dress-up Fridays. This ensures that all week long J is excited about it being, for example, purple week and equally exciting Friday mornings where she decides that she wants to wear anything other than the purple outfit we already picked out and will have a terrible temper tantrum if we try to make her wear it (also we learned that she doesn't own any yellow clothing, how odd.).

Also, this is how I imagine J as a girl scout:

Appropriate, eh?

I Can Never Think of a Title for These Things

Back in Colorado; been here since Tuesday, so forgive the blog-io silence. UCI (big ole inspection) is underway and things are going better than I expected. Hubs is suffering accordingly at home alone with the kiddos and everyone's crazy schedules, so send him some lovin! I'll be home next Tuesday, and this is my last trip up to Colorado. I have filled out my paperwork to make it official, but I have joined another unit just 2 hrs from our home. This has been a long time coming, but I wanted to see the unit through our inspection and I'm glad I was able to that and see all of our hard work pay off.

In my spare time I have been doing more research on A's condition. Unfortunately, apraxia is kind of like autism. They are both neurological disorders (in fact many kids with autism also have apraxia) and very little is known about what causes them or how to cure them. Some parents of autistic and apraxic kids have had luck with a gluten-free, casein-free (dairy) diet (GFCF). It seems to improve their symptoms, particularly with language acquisition. So I've decided that it can't hurt us to try it. This will be quite an adjustment for the family (I think it will be easier to make the house GFCF rather than try to police just A's diet), so wish me luck in convincing the Hubs! I've also been in contact with some other moms in my area regarding an apraxia support group. I feel like I have to reach out as much as possible so I can start to understand this and help my son. So little information is known on this disorder, it just really makes you feel helpless.

Going Dutch

My friend told me to google this poem. It is really an awesome way of looking at things. I am still grieving the loss of my Italian dream, but I happen to know a few folks who live in Amsterdam, so I guess a stop there won't be so bad, lol!