Flat Like a Pancake...

So Hubs is out of town again *sigh* It's not his fault. Actually, he's gone for a really good reason. My FIL is getting re-married and Hubs is the best man, so he kind of has to be there. I was hoping to go, too, but we just can't afford it right now (especially with all the uncertainty of whether or not we're staying in, where we're going to go, etc). I still felt really bad having to tell my FIL I wouldn't be able to make it, though I'm sure he understood. To make matters even worse just about everyone is sick right now. A is actually the only one who hasn't displayed any symptoms, so he's sure to be sick as a dog this weekend. Lucky me! Plus, this is back-to-school shopping weekend. I had hoped to avoid it, but C really needs some new clothes (her old stuff is starting to look pretty shabby after a long, hard summer of playing!) and she only has one pair of shoes that still fit, and trust me when I say they look like absolute shit. So it's going to be an interesting (and by interesting, I mean stressful and sucky) weekend for me. The only good part is that Hubs feels so guilty for leaving me alone with the kids again that he will be kissing my butt when he gets home (or maybe not now that I've written about it. Way to go me)



Pu's Interpretation of Baby Talk


Waaaaaaaaah! = Oh my god. I'm dying over here, lady. Get off your ass and feed me!
Waaaaaaaaah! = It has been .2 seconds since my last cry and I am still not being fed. What kind of crack house are you running here!?
Waaaaaaaaah! = Okay, this is getting ridiculous. I have been crying for, like, at least 5 seconds, and I have yet to be fed. I want to speak to your manager!
Waaaaaaaaah! = What do you mean there's no manager here? What is this Orbitz customer service? You people are so incompetent. It has been at least 7 seconds since I started crying and I still have no food.
Waaaaaaaaah! = Okay, I know that Dad is out of town and that J is insane and C has been sucked into the mind-numbing vortex known as tv, but doesn't anybody realize that I am the important one here? I am dyyyyying of starvation. It has taken you 10 seconds to feed me and now I have worked myself up and I cannot eat until I have been comforted.
Waaaaaaaah! = Did you hear me??!! I said I must be comforted first! Comforted, I tell you! Now I will do nothing but cry until you stop trying to stick that nipple in my mouth and snuggle me.
Waaaaaaaah! = Snuggle meeeeeee!

*pausing to receive comforting snuggles*

Waaaaaaah! = I know you finally figured out that I needed to be calmed first, and I am actually eating now, but I feel that I still have some crying left in me. I must continue to cry sporadically while you feed because I am upset. I have no idea why I am upset, and neither do you (which is half the fun), but it seems like this crying thing is working out pretty well for me so I am just going to stick with it for a while until I can get J to cry, too. Then you will have a crying baby and a crying toddler, and you will have to choose which one to pay attention to. And it better be me!
Waaaaaaah! = You are not paying enough attention to me! You must look at me while you feed me. You must coo in a high pitched voice and say things like, 'Who's the cutest baby?' using the same voice inflection as Scooby Doo. You must stroke my cheek and ignore that red-haired toddler who is hogging all of your attention.
Whimper, Whimper = Fine, so you have caved into all my demands. Clearly you have no spine, and I must think of other things to cry about.
Waaaaaah! = Now I have gas.

Conversations With 'Toddler-With-a-Cold'



Me: Good morning, sunshine!
J: Humph! *rolls over and hides under covers*
Me: What should we wear today. Ooooh, how about a pretty dress? You love your pretty dress.
J: No.
Me: Okay, how about some shorts and your pink shirt? *enticingly* It's your favorite shirt....
J: No.
Me: Okay, then you can just stay in your night-night clothes all day if you want.
J: No.
Me: Then what would you like to wear?
J: No.
Me: Fine, you can just be naked.
J: No.
J: Ses'me Steet!
Me: Oh, you want to wear your Sesame Street outfit.
J: No.


J: A'les yucky.
Me: What's wrong with Alex?
J: A'les wet. Ew!
Me: Did he spit up? *discovers that A has not, in fact, spit up. Rather, he has wet himself and the last blanket that is not in the wash* Oh, shit!
J: *helpfully* Shat!
Me: Don't say that.
J: Shat!
Me: *trying to clean up the mess while fending off J, who is trying to be helpful by handing me back all of the soiled clothes I am throwing on the floor* God dammit, Jesus Christ!
J: Jeeeesa. *pause* Shat!


C-Isms

Some More Amusement to Help Waste Your Workday...
Butt Minus, hee.

Something you will only find funny if you happen to live in Amsterdam and/or are a fan of Lost (only 6 more months, aghhhhhh!)

If you haven't heard about poor Miss Teen South Carolina then you must live under a rock. --
how sad is it that this is what passes for news in the States*

*I guess those South Korean missionary hostages being released by the Taliban after the South Korean government bought them off isn't quite as exciting as making fun of a teenage girl who fucked up a pageant question.