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Weekend Round-up

Sorry I haven't been posting much lately. I feel like I'm just playing the waiting game now, so there isn't actually a whole lot to talk about. Work is boring since I've passed off most of my projects and regular stuff already. Home life is basically the same thing every day as I'm too big to go galavanting about and too lazy to cook or do anything particularly constructive.

Well, we did do some stuff this weekend, I guess. Even though June gloom is in full effect here, we did manage to get a few hours of sun this weekend, and I am totally impressed with how well I'm able to get a tan now. I think Hubs might just be a little jealous! ;) Also, I know you're all as broken up as I am about the Sabres being out of the race for the Stanley Cup. Saturday's overtime loss is just the latest in a long line of Buffalo sports team losses (just try being a Bills fan!). Hubs says I need to learn to "man up" and get over it. It just comes with the territory!

Kidz R Krazy

Poor C. As time goes on I begin to see how she just can't win as the oldest kid. J is just too young to know any better, and C gets caught up doing the stupid things that kids do. Whenever J starts crying, we automatically ask C what happened since J is just too young to be able to articulate her needs (and C generally has the normal kid response of 'I dunno' despite the fact that she is holding J's pacifier over her head and making her jump for it -- little sisters, better than having your own puppy!) Last night C & J were throwing these little plastic balls around her room, and when she got yelled at for it, C's excuse was, "Well, J started it." I think Bill Cosby said it best: parents are not interested in justice, parents are only interested in quiet! :)

Oh, and in case you all were wondering, I finally registered for baby stuff at Barebabies.com. So if ya'll want to, um, you know, buy me presents *cough, cough* that's the place to go! ;)

T to the M to the Motha Freakin' I

Oh and here you thought you were going to get through a whole post of mine without any mention of my pregnancy woes. Nope, I merely saved them for the end in order to lull you all into a false sense of security, mwah hah hah hah hah (clearly this baby needs to come because I have waaay too much time on my hands!) I feel it necessary to let you all know that I have hit that point in my pregnancy where I feel like an overstuffed sausage on a fairly regular basis (which is to say, all the time). Even my arms are fat! I come from a long line of pear-shaped women so when you hit the point where your upper body starts to look chunky, you know you're in trouble! I know I will eventually lose the weight. I managed to successfully lose it after the last two, so I don't see why this one will be any different, but that line of reasoning isn't exactly making me feel much better right now. And it sure doesn't help to think that bathing suit season is upon us and I live in Southern California, the plastic surgery capital of the world!


Also, I am really, really sick of these stupid Braxton-Hicks contractions. First of all, whoever thought of naming them Braxton-Hicks in the first place in an idiot. It is not a self-intuitive name, so every time I mention them to anyone, I then have to explain what they are. For the record, they are pre-labor contractions. Basically your uterus is warming up for the big day. To which I say, Fuck you, uterus! While I understand the point of a good warm up, is it really necessary to warm up for weeks on end. I mean, come on now, at some point you have to actually, you know, engage in the actual work out. Oh, and if you look up BH contractions online, they are described as "mild" and "not as intense" as real labor. Ha ha ha ha ha! Having been through labor twice before, let me tell you, BH contractions suck big donkey balls. They are painful and annoying. It's like having early labor for weeks on end, the fun just never stops!

On top of all that, I have decided to do my damndest to get this kid out of me as soon as possible. One of the ways to naturally induce labor, which seems like it would be more appealing, is to have more frequent sex. Being intimate at 9 mos pregnant is already more like completing some sort of incredible gymnastics feat, it is just more work than it is worth in the end. But, there happens to be some kind of chemical in sperm that helps to naturally induce labor. So, as much as Hubs would like to hide under the couch, I somehow manage to convince him to "help me out" (threats and tantrums are very attractive ;) Here's a typical exchange to make you all feel better about your own sex lives:

Me: Let's get it on, baby
H: Again!!?? Isn't this bad for the baby?
Me: No, now get over here and give me your labor inducing sperm
H: *sarcastically* Wow, I am so turned on right now
Me: Oh look! That's the baby's foot sticking out.
H: Just what every man wants to hear in bed
Me: Hang on, I think I'm having a contraction.
H: *panicking* What like a real contraction??!!
Me: No, just one of those stupid BH contractions. Fuck you, uterus! You hear me? Fuck you! Hey, wait! Where are you going? Come back. I'll be sexy, I promise. Oops, I think my boobs are leaking. Wait! Come baaaaack!