They're Meaty, What, What!

**Warning: TMI Ahead**

Okay, I seriously wanted to do a funny post about pregnancy, really I did, but I just can't seem to muster up my sense of humor lately. Maybe it's because the baby has dropped and how there is a 1lb baby head wedged in my pelvis so I (literally) waddle around rocking from side to side like a Weeble Wobble. Or maybe it's because I have a pinched nerve in my back so that when I get up to pee for the 15th time during the night I (again, literally) have to crawl to the bathroom on my hands and knees because I can't put any weight on my left leg. Or maybe it's because I now have to wear panty liners just in case I happen to sneeze, cough, or laugh too hard and have an *ahem* leakage problem. Or maybe it's because it has become so difficult to shave my legs that I have resorted to bizarre methods of hair removal in order to avoid bending over (hence the Nair debacle). Or maybe it's because I lumber around so slowly that my 1 1/2 year old can easily out run me, knows this, and delights in doing so since she thinks it is all a big funny game to make Mommy chase her around trying to get her to put her diaper on.

I am recording all this now in the hopes that the next time I say I want to have a baby Hubs knocks me upside the head and reminds me of how miserable I was for the last two months of this pregnancy since God seems to think it's really funny to make women forget about the excruciating pain they go through within hours of giving birth (I guess he has to otherwise who in their right mind would ever give birth more than once!)


Thought I'd share what currently passes for humor in my house:

J: Yuck!
Me: What's yuck?
J: Poop
C & J: Hahahahahaha
J: Ew!
Me: What's ew?
J: *makes farting noise*
C&J: Hahahaha hahahaha hahahaha

C recently taught J how to make loud farting noises with her mouth, and they both think this is the most hilarious thing in the world. Bathtime has become Dueling Fart Noise time in our household despite my repeated attempts to nip it in the bud. Of course, it doesn't help that I also happen to think farting is pretty damn funny, so I'm sure my giggling along doesn't exactly inspire them to stop. I guess I should be greatful that they're just making rude noises and not trying to stick crayons in their butts (Y - I'm looking at you ;).

I seriously love this commercial.

C has recently become very interested in anatomy. I think this is both a product of her age and the fact that I am having another baby. She has started expressing curiosity about my giganto boobs (she confided that Trevor, the "bad boy" of her class, looked up the word breast in the dictionary. Apparently this is extremely funny to the average 2nd grader.) So I, being the liberated woman I am, decided to go out and buy her every book about female anatomy they have on Amazon. Now, I don't know about you all, but when I was growing up, we had My Body, My Self and that was about it. So I was totally shocked to find out there are about 1 million books about all kinds of anatomical issues I had never even thought to address. Here's a few of my favorites:

Who's Knees Are These? (Is this seriously a problem for some kids?)

The Truth About Poop (He works for the NSA. He's actually a member of the Priore of Scion. He's a transvestite hooker who regularly appears on Jerry Springer!...don't ask me why I think of poop as a he...)

You Can't Taste a Pickle With Your Ear (This one is actually pretty good advice considering C once shoved a daisy so far up her nose it took a trip to the doctor to remove it)

But this is my favorite.

Fear me, for I have learned to link!!