Angry Pregnant Lady

So it's hit that point. I am the "Angry Pregnant Lady." I'm so, so over being pregnant that all sense of humor is gone. Husband keeps trying to make jokes, and I mostly just try to prevent myself from causing him great bodily harm. If you've ever wondered why enormously pregnant people are very angry try to picture living the following dream every night:

- Wake up at 3am partially from strong contraction and partially because I'm pretty sure I just peed a  little in my sleep
- Take about 10 minutes to get roll sloooooowly out of bed and make my way the 5 steps it take to get to the bathroom
- Pee about 3 drops
- Lumber back to bed and take about 10 minutes to get back in (pausing for 2nd contraction)
- Half-asleep Husband mutters, "WTF are you doing? Just go to sleep." Then flops over onto my body pillow and starts snoring
- Take another 10 minutes trying not to choke him with rage.
- Try to fall back asleep only to realize that I still have to pee.
- Take about 10 minutes to get roll sloooooowly out of bed and make my way the 5 steps it take to get to the bathroom
- Pee about 3 drops
- Give up on sleep and lumber downstairs to time my contractions
- Make it all the way to the couch only to sneeze and accidentally pee myself again
- Lumber back upstairs to clean up
- Half-asleep Husband mutters, "WTF are you doing? You are killing me!" Then rolls over easily and promptly falls right back asleep
- Seethe internally for about 10 minutes while picturing all the ways in which I could hurt this man I love
- Flop down on the bed and try to roll to my side only to find I am trapped like a turtle on its back
- Alarm goes off and I start to cry a little
- Loving Husband says, "I don't understand why you look so tired? You went to bed at 9:30 last night!"
- Efforts to smother him with my body pillow are futile since I cannot roll over off my back