A's Birth Story (Finally!)

So, on Sunday (June 3rd, my lil' sis' b-day) I kept having this wierd feeling, umm, down there. Like I was leaking or something, but there was hardly any fluid at all and I had had so many false alarm feelings before. I didn't want to send the girls to the sitter and trek on down to the hospital for just a false alarm, so I figured it was better to take the wait and see approach. If the contractions started coming, I'd surely have enough time to get to the hospital! Anyway, this went on all day with no contractions, so I chalked it up to me just wanting it to happen versus anything actually be labor-icious about it. (I did call my mom just in case, and she changed her plane ticket to arrive on Monday instead of Tuesday, which was when I was supposed to be induced). So we went about our day and went to bed as usual. At about 2am I woke up to a terrible contraction, but I figured it was just a BH and tried to go back to sleep. But they just kept coming In fact I was starting to get a little pissed because I couldn't get back to sleep thanks to my contractions! Finally, I got the brilliant idea to just get up and start timing them. So I went downstairs (so as not to wake the Hubs) and got on the computer to do what any woman in my situation would do: Google for signs of active labor. Of course I didn't find anything particularly helpful, but it was comforting to think I was doing something rather than just sitting there. After about an hour of my contractions coming at very regular intervals of about 5min apart, I starting thinking that maybe this wasn't another false alarm. So I went upstairs to let Hubs know. Unfortunately, I may have cried wolf one too many times.
Me: I think I'm going into labor.
Hubs: (muttering sleepily) No you're not. Go back to sleep.
Me: (a little indignantly) Um, I'm pretty sure about this. My contractions are coming every five minutes apart.
Hubs: (sleepily) Mmm hmm. Just get back in bed.
Me: (getting angry) No, I'm serious. In fact I'm getting one right now. Ow, OW! Now get your ass out of bed and take me to the hospital!
Hubs: (yawns) Can't it wait until morning?
Me: Only if you want me to have this baby on our new bed.
Hubs: (springing out of bed) And off we go!

So, we woke the girls up and packed a quick overnight bag and took them over to BS's house. J seemed very confused and a little scared about the whole situation. She didn't even want to get out of the car when we got to BS's (and she loves it over there), but C was pretty nochalant. She is a heavy sleeper no matter what, so I don't think she cared about anything except going back to sleep. Then we headed off to the hospital. We arrived and parked in the emergency room parking lot (it was only about 3:30-4am so the front doors were locked). Immediately we were directed to Labor and Delivery on the 3rd floor. I, being the person in labor, was concentrating on being able to walk through the pain and neglected to listen to the directions from the front desk staff. My Hubs also neglected to listen for reasons I have yet to figure out. Luckily most of the doors around us were locked, so we were able to navigate ourselved to the right elevator by process of elimination.

Once we got into L&D, they hooked me up to the machines, measured my cervix (3cm) and started measuring my contractions. They were looking pretty wimpy on the monitor, but, by this time, I was absolutely sure I was in labor because they felt so strong. After about an hour, my nurse checked my cervix again and I was up to 4cm, so it was determined that I was, in fact, in labor. (Me to Hubs: "Told you so!") So I was transferred to a delivery & recovery room and given a permanent nurse (her name was Cam Cameron, no really!) who was really awesome. They asked me if I wanted my epidural now or if I wanted to wait. Having done the whole brave thing in the past (and not having one for C's birth), I immediately said yes. L&D apparently wasn't too busy that night b/c the anesthesiologist came in right away (yay!). The epidural was fairly easy, although I did get some pain in my right lower back, which kind of freaked me out. Then my blood pressure started to drop (this is a normal reaction to an epidural), which makes you feel very dizzy and faint and can actually be a little scary, but they put some shit in my IV which made it stabilize and pretty soon I was just sitting there, happily numb, waiting for my baby to come. After what seemed like a very short while, Cam checked my cervix again and announced that I was already at 8cm. Although they had paged my doc, he obviously wasn't going to get there in time, so the doc on call came over to deliver me. Hubs held my hand and I pushed for about 15 min (same as with C) and out popped A.

So, after my crazy experiences with C (extremely long and difficult labor) and J (scary labor worrying about her health), I finally got the "normal" experience I was hoping for. And, it was really quick! I woke up at about 2am with the start of my contractions, and A was born at 8:36am, so I was only in labor for about 6 hours. Not too shabby! The recovery this time around did seem harder, though. I had a lot of joint pain (horrible feeling like your joints are bing pulled apart), so it was difficult to even get in and out of bed. Plus, Hubs had to go back to work right away, so it was just me and the kids after my moms left (thank god she was there for the 1st two weeks and basically did everything!). I've posted before about A being a difficult baby, so I won't repeat all that here but that has definately added an extra level of stress to the whole experience. Luckily it seems like his constipation is clearing up and his stuffy nose has finally cleared up, so I can stop stressing out about his breathing. Also, we moved his bassinet downstairs and out of our room, which seems to have helped quite a bit with his sleeping (and mine!), so I get at least a couple of hours at a time.

So that is my story. I feel like it is so boring after all the excitement of C and J's births, but I am so happy to have had the whole experience of going into labor on my own (even though it wasn't nearly as exciting as I thought it would be!). Hope you all enjoyed it!

Each new generation born is in effect an invasion of civilization by little barbarians

So we're gearing up for the invasion. The step-kids arrive this weekend, and my MIL will be here on Tuesday. So, C and I are cleaning the house like mad since it will most likely not be clean again for another month!


Proud Mommy Moments

#1 Alex's 1st Smile

I was sitting on the couch holding Alex, cooing and smiling and tickling his cheeks. He looked deep into my eyes - clearly communing with me on a deep mother to child level - and gave me a big smile! My heart brimmed over with joy and motherly pride at my little boy's beautiful smile...and, then...he farted. *sigh*

#2 J's New Word

Hubs and I were sitting at the kitchen table playing Uno (we have such exciting lives), and J was sitting at the other end of the table coloring on a piece of paper. Hubs and I can be very competetive when it comes to games, i.e. we live to talk a lot of trash. Hubs isn't necessarily the best at, um, hiding his colorful language, so he was letting a few choice words fly as I kicked his ass. J was really getting into her coloring and at one point the pen flew off the paper in a particularly violent way. "Oh!" exclaimed J, forming a big "O" of surprise with her mouth and slapping her hands to her cheeks in comedic fashion (clearly she is taking after her big sis in the drama queen department! "Oh, fock!" she said.

Me: *mouth hanging open* What did you say?!
J: *not paying any attention to me* Fock...*in a sing-song voice* fock, fock, fock
Me: *to Hubs* This is all your fault
J: *nodding sagely* Fock.

#3 C the Comedian

C: Knock, knock
Me: *reading a magazine* Hmmm?
C: Mom, I'm telling a joke. I say 'knock, knock,' then you have to say, 'who's there?'
Me: I do, huh?
C: Moooom! Just say it!
Me: Okay, okay. Who's there?
C: No, you have to wait until I say 'Knock, knock."
Me: But you just said it.
C: No I didn't! I was telling you what to say!
Me: Whatever. Tell your joke, honey.
C: Okay, okay. Knock, knock.
Me: Who's there?
C: Boo. Now you say, 'Boo who?'
Me: You know, jokes are a lot more funny if you don't tell the audience what they're supposed to do.
C: Moooom! Just say it!
Me: Fine, fine. Boo who?
C: Ha ha ha ha ha!
Me: You didn't say the punchline.
C: No, you did! Ha ha ha ha ha!
Me: Wow. Remind me to make sure you don't pursue a career in comedy.

Other Random Tidbits

I am seriously contemplating buying this for Mom.

They've finally stopped playing that highly aggrevating K-Mart commercial every five seconds, only to replace it with that equally annoying Oreo commercial with the upside down faces of kids singing. You know, the one where they sing the Oreo theme song in cutesy, off-key voices with faces painted on their chins. Whoever thought up that ad campaign should be shot.

This is for AinA and her uni memories! :)

TLC has a new show coming out called A Model Life. It's a reality program about teaching wannabe models how to make it in the biz. Sound familiar? What a total ripoff of Top Model! I can't believe tv has sunk so low that copycat reality programs are being greenlit. What a sad world we live in...You know I'll totally be watching it... I'm so ashamed

Moms the Word

I haven't had much time to post all the crazy bloggy ideas I've had lately (remind me to write about C's recent foray into being a comedian - let's just say that an 8 year olds sense of humor is quite different and leave it at that ;), but, after rereading some of my more recent posts, I realized I never paid proper homage to my moms. She came out here when A was born to help us out, and let me just say that I have no idea how I would have made it without her. My mom is so awesome! She took care of the girls, helped me with A, cooked for us, drove me and the girls around. Basically she did everything! She's done so many wonderful things for me over the years. Everything from helping me during my move from Texas to Japan to watching C when I was at ASBC for 6 weeks to coming to Japan to help out with J (not to mention all the financial and emotional support for everything from scraped knees to college to divorce). My mom is truly the greatest, and I don't thank her enough for everything she does for me. I feel so blessed that after everything we've been through (and everything I put her through), she still loves me unconditionally and we have such a great friendship. I love you, Mom!

But This Makes It All Worth It

How Was Your 4th?

Cause mine pretty much sucked. I know I've been sort of incognito since A's birth, and I appologize for that. I thought I would have all this time to take care of projects and catch up on my correspondence while I stayed home. But it turns out that every time you add another child to your family things get just a little bit harder. Who knew?! Additionally, it appears that my difficult pregnancy was just a prelude of things to come. A is a difficult baby. I think it's too early to say he's colicky, but he does cry an awful lot. We ended up missing the fireworks yesterday because I was too exhausted to do anyting (I was up from about 2:30 the night before with A). I thought it was just constipation (we have started supplementing with formula because I don't make enough milk to satisfy him - this is an issue I've had with all my kids but usually not so soon), but we took care of that (I was scared to do it, but a rectal thermometer is a god send for mom's with constipated babies) and he is still fussy! He is just very needy. He needs to be held all the time, that seems to be the only thing that calms him down. That's not to say that he cries constantly. He also sleeps ;) No, he does have a few waking periods where I lay him under him jungle gym or put him in the swing, but those times usually last for about 10-15 mintues and then its back to fussing. I don't think I will be nearly as depressed to return to work this time around!

J has hit the terrible twos like a hurricane (which is pretty much how she does everything). She has become slightly more needy and definately has more tantrums than before A arrived. I totally love this age, too, because she's talking and communiating with me and can play real games (we got her a play kitchen and a Barbie play house - yay Craigslist), but it is difficult to balance a needy toddler and a needy baby. And, poor C is just getting shafted at this point. She's mommy's little helper. The only problem is she tends to live in her own little world (I told you she took after AinA!). So if I send her up to get a diaper for A or J she will most likely make a detour to pretend the diaper is a magical talisman which can change her into a princess. While extremely cute, this is also incredibly irritating when I have baby shit on my hands.

To top it all off, we found out on Monday that Hubs is going to have to get surgery in a couple of weeks. He's got a hernia, so now he's in the position of not being able to lift anything (especially a wriggly toddler or baby), so now I get to know he felt all these last few months. All I can say is thank god this happened now when I am sufficiently healed to handle the kids and not a few weeks ago! Luckily my MIL will be here when Hubs goes in for surgery (not so luckily we'll also have my step-kids, so it will be 5 kids and 2 able bodied adults), so I'll have some help with the kids while he's recovering.

Anyway, sorry for all the whining. But if I didn't whine to you all, then Hubs would have to deal with it, and I just don't think he can take any more stress! ;) We'll be okay (have I mentioned recently how happy I am to not be pregnant anymore?), we just have to make it through these next couple of months and pray that A learns to sleep through the night sometime soon!

While I'm Up...

It's 4am and I'm up with Alex (again). I'm too tired to put together a coherent post (still working on that birth story, I swear!), so I'll just follow my sister's lead and post you a link in the spirit of sharing. It's summertime and there's no better time for a foodie (in my opinion). If you're interested in learning about how to eat more local foods check out this site. Or if you want to put your kids to work so you can have strawberries year round (and make them think its fun) why not look for a place to pick your own produce? Or if you're too lazy for that (or live too far away), just look for a farmer's market in your area. Happy eating, everyone!

Notes From the Corner

I will get around to posting Alex's birth story one of the days, I swear! Its just been very hectic around here lately. I think once A is sleeping through the night things will be a lot easier, but, right now, I am hanging on by a thread! Yesterday I decided to keep both girls home (C is out of school and her 1st day of camp isn't until Monday, so it wasn't a big leap to decide to keep J home, too). We are seriously toying with the idea of taking J out of daycare while I am at home both to save some serious money and also because this is really the only time I will have as a stay-at-home mom, so I might as well make it so I can't wait to get back to work! ;) Seriously, though, I don't know how my mom did it. I only have 2 under 2, at one point, my mom had 3 under 3 at home with her with my dad on the road all the time. I would have gone insane. I don't even think I'm sane now! Don't get me wrong, we are so excited to have A finally here (and I don't want to complain too much since I am just greatful not to be pregnant anymore!), but, at this moment in time, I think it is better to wait between kids. I feel like I am losing out on my special time with J because I am stuck in one place breastfeeding or soothing A (he is not a good sleeper!), and I'm shortchanging both myself and A on what should be our spcial bonding time together, especially since this is going to be my last one. We'll see if I still feel the same way once A is sleeping normally and we've settled into a routine, but, for right now, my advice to all you gals thinking about having another one is to wait!



Like I said, though, I shouldn't complain because I am just so freaking happy to not be pregnant anymore! C is so excited to be out of school and going back to camp. J is at that stage right now where she is learning new words and objects at an incredibly rapid pace. Today we were playing with her animals puzzle book and she was pointing out the lions, tigers, and panda bears. It was so cute! C is going to join the library's summer reading program this year (we wanted to do it last year, but all the meetings are at like 3pm and I couldn't get out of work). This years theme is being a super sleuth, so maybe I'll take her to see that new Nancy Drew movie. I'll post more later, A is starting to get restless!

The Latest

Sorry I haven't been updating. Alex has a cold or allergies or something because he is really stuffed up and having trouble breathing through his nose, so he is not sleeping very well. Which means I am not sleeping very well (Hubs is back at work, so I am designated baby getter), so you are all just going to have to wait with bated breath for more baby details. So here's the skinny to tide you over: my mom spent two weeks with us and was a huge, awesome help that I think I would have died without; J is handling the whole situation pretty well, she is definately more demanding than usual but not as bad as I thought she would be; C is almost done with school, so I'm including some pics of her at her 2nd grade picnic; A is not sleeping and eats every 1-2 hours anyway; I am cranky and have an insanely irrational hatred of that K-Mart commercial with the lightbulb and the annoying chick. Everytime this she bites her lip in that fake cutesy way I just want to punch her right in the face. Of course, I also cried when the Carl's Jr people left my chicken sandwich off our order, so maybe I'm also a little hormonal (just a little). Hubs is back at work and not getting much sleep either, and he's really, really sick of watching Law & Order reruns ;) So, here's some pictures to keep you all occupied until I have enough brain cells to put together a coherent post.

Alex's Funky Faces

Alex

Mo' betta pics will follow when my mom gets back to Albuquerque and downloads her pictures to her computer (she forgot the computer cable). These will have to tide you over for now! :)

He's Here!

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, I was busy having a baby! Alexander John-Francis Podolny was born at 0836am on June 4th (uninduced!). He weighed in at a whopping 6lb 2oz and 19 3/4" long. I promise pictures and a birth story will be forthcoming, but you'll have to give me some time to adjust to being a mom of 3 (eek!).

The World is Progressing, the Future is Bright and No One Can Change This General Trend of History

Mo' Baby News

Went to my final dr.'s appt yesterday, and I am finally dialated! 1 1/2 cm over here, folks. That's right, this baby could just fall out of me at any moment. Run in fear of my cervix! (Of course, as soon as I mention this to Hubs, he gives me this horrified look and says, "You mean it's open down there?"*) Then he makes the even bigger mistake of saying, "Well, you can't have the baby yet. I am soo busy at work." Oh, really!! You're busy at work?? Well, I'll just cross my legs until next week if it's more convenient for you. Poor Hubs, he really has been having a rough time at work. His company is expanding rapidly, but they haven't hired enough people yet to deal with the workload, so he is doing the job of 4 people and trying to interview new hires all while worrying about when I'll go into labor. Of course, I am just totally occupied with getting this baby out, so I have a hard time mustering up any sympathy for his predicament.

*Seriously, you would think this man had never had children before!

Still a Pregnant Beeyotch

On a totally bitchy note, I am getting really tired of all those people who, once they hear how far along I am, say things like, "Oh, you're all belly." Okay, people, I know how much I weighed before I got pregnant and I know how much I weigh now, and there is no freakin way all that weight went straight to my belly. There is also the fact that my butt has expanded to nearly twice its normal size. I know they're just trying to be polite (I mean, seriously, no one ever says "Wow, you're all thighs and ass!"), but, really, it's not necessary to tell such obvious lies!

More Randomness Inspired by Boredom

Is it really sad that I think this guy is totally cute?
This is how life will be in the near future. Is it strange to think of your future in claymation?
Kobe finally asked to leave the Lakers. Can I have a minute to laugh my ass off?
I just like the word "moronitude."
Les aventures de Babar: Babar falls in with the wrong crowd.


**In the spirit of X & E's blog, extra points to anyone who knows where the title of this post came from.

Critters

While we may not have the squirrel problem currently being experienced in Abq, LA does have its fair share of crazy critters. Our current garden neighbors include a mommy possum

















A baby possum

Some kind of predatory bird we think was a hawk. (Picture is fuzzy because we caught him eating a mouse/rat on our fence and didn't want to scare him of by opening the screen door)

One of god knows how many raccoons

And, we're not sure what species this one is, but it is clearly just as destructive to tomato plants as any squirrel!

Bikini Babes

Long Weekend Round-up

So our weekend was actually pretty busy as I attempt to get all those last minute things done before the baby comes. Hubs bought a new car (Honda Element - pics will be forthcoming), which cost us just a bit up front and payments around what we were paying for his old sedan. I am not really much of a car person (I was happy driving around my mom's old '93 Subaru station wagon), but having a nice car is very important to Hubs. He works very hard (he had to telecommute all weekend thanks to a last minute request from the Czech Republic!) and it is always nice to have something that sort of reminds you that all that work is really worth it. And, I am happy to see him so happy! We also got some new dressers for the girls (our old ones were so broken C was only able to use 2 out of the 5 drawers in hers!) and had those delivered. We also totally rearranged J's room to accomodate the new furniture and to get it ready for the new baby. On Monday the sun finally peaked out from all that June gloom, and we spent the entire day outside in the "pool," so now I have a belly tan! :)

I am not up to staying on my feet for any length of time right now, so Hubs ended up grilling all weekend long. We had 1" thick porterhouse steaks, baked potatoes on the grill, and fresh zucchini sprinkled with olive oil and balsamic vingegar for our Memorial Day feast. Yum!

In Other Totally Random News That You Will Not "Get" Unless You Are a Member of My Immediate Family

We recently discovered that the only thing on television that will hold J's attention for longer than 2 seconds (besides Sesame Street) is Animal Planet (she literally watched about a half hour of the most recent dog show in absolute rapture), so we have had that channel on quite bit a lately. So, I was watching Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom the other day with C & J and we discovered there is, in fact, a group of animals known as the "Claw" family. The program informed us that anteaters are a member of said group. Then C turned to me and very excitedly said, "So is my Grandpa!"

C the Dietician

So, C is learning a lot about health and nutritian lately at school. I guess this is the new way the gov't is trying to prevent childhood obesity because she sure knows a heck of a lot more than I ever knew about healthy food choices at her age. This is all well and good, and I'm totally happy she is learning about good nutrition from a source that is apparently more credible than me. The only problem is the USDA has totally changed the way they rate foods. C recently asked me what food group tomatos fall in (they are a fruit, not a vegetable, a favorite trap of the young for their adult counterparts), so I answered Fruits & Veggies, right? Wrong, Mom! Apparently fruits and vegetables are no longer grouped together, they now segregated into their own food areas and must not be combined! Then we get into the more complicated foods, like lasagne or hot dogs. This must be how our parents felt after we all started coming home with "new math."

The Price is Wrong, Bob!

Can I just tell you how truly devastated I am that Bob Barker is retiring! I loooove the Price is Right (seriously, folks, I watch Flavor of Love: Charm School, what do you expect?). I used to watch it every morning when I worked shift work in Hawaii, and now I finally live in an area where I could actually go down and get on the show (Bob loves service people!), and he's retiring! The base MWR (morale and welfare)) sends people on trips down to the studio on a regular basis and one of my girlfriends went on the last trip they had in April and actually got on the show! She only won a chandelier, but, still, how cool is that!!?? I just want to spin the wheel!

Pimpin' More Foodie Blogs

My cuzins in Baltimore have started blogging, too! We're taking over the blogosphere, mwah ha ha ha ha. Ahem, sorry about that. Seriously, tho, if you love great food pics, check dis out!

More Randomness Found on the Web Whilst Sitting on My Ass

Promiscuous, No Commitment Bonobo Chimpanzees

The Story of Gruyere

Just For Wife of de-I

Just For AinA

This is the Pregnancy that Never Ends...

OB is Back in Action

My old boss (OB) returned from her deployment to Tampa-stan a couple of weeks ago. As with BS, I should preface my bitching (**Warning: Bitching about to commence!**) by saying that OB has a good heart and means well. That doesn't make her any less annoying, but it does sort of temper the fact that I often feel extraordinarily violent towards her. She just has this overwhelming personality that can be very difficult to deal with. It is particularly difficult right now because OB is being forced out (she was passed over 2x for promotion and has hit her high year tenure) in a relatively short amount of time. She is fighting this, but, honestly, with the AF trying to downsize as much as it is, she doesn't have much of a chance. I actually feel really bad for her. She's given some 20+ years of her life to the AF and they're giving her the heave ho without so much as a thanks for all the years of putting up with our crap; however, she had to be aware of the impending dates, so its not like this was just sprung on her without warning, and she can easily get a civilian job with all of her qualifications (so its not like she's going to be out on the streets). Anyways, to make a long story short, she has returned for a relatively short period of time, so our CC had instructed us that she was not going to take over her old job as our OIC (officer in charge) since it doesn't make sense for us to turn the office back over to her for such a short period of time (we're talking weeks here, she'll be long gone by the time I return from maternity leave). Weeeel, this would be all well and good, but somehow he either neglected to tell her about this (I doubt it) or she just doesn't know how to let go b/c these last couple of days have been a lot of tap dancing and deflection on my part. I'm a few ranks under her so it is not kosher to say things like, "Um, I thought you weren't in charge any more."

Actually, the work stuff is not so bad since I'm mostly passed it off to other people, so I just sic her on them (hee hee, I'm so evil). It's the personal stuff that gets me. I should mention that OB also studied to be a dr (20 some years ago!), and she has two kids of her own so she thinks she knows everything and feels compelled to continually share all her "motherly" advice with me. I have so little patience at this point that I am seriously beginning to think I should buy myself a muzzle because I have come uncomfortably close to telling her to just leave me the fuck alone! Today was particularly funny to me. I am on half days now, so I left work early and got a call from her on my cell phone. Thinking it might be, you know, work related, I foolishly answered it. I then spent 25 minutes (25 minutes!) getting a 100 Days of Summer safety briefing (an annual occurance for us military folks, the gov't likes to protect its property!) about boating safety and how I shouldn't drink and drive this holiday weekend. I actually laughed out loud at that one since I am, well, incredibly freakin pregnant and not likely to be drinking much alchohol in the first place, much less getting shit faced downtown and then getting behind the wheel. Then I had to endure another 20 minutes of her advice on breastfeeding, which is all very nice except that I breastfed my first two so, ya know, I'm not exactly in need of advice! Luckily I was at home and thus able to be on the computer perusing Ebay so I just let out a few "uh huhs" and "hmms" at the appropriate pauses and all was well in OB-land. Then, of course, she had to go and tell me about how she had fought for me to get an on-base parking pass (space is at a premium here, so we park at an off-base facility and get bussed in) since I am so preggo, which was really, really sweet and made me feel really bad for thinking evil thoughts (It also made me not want to tell her that I've been illegally parking on base anyway since I am too fat to be bothered with walking).

Adding Insult to Injury

So the Anaheim Ducks beat the Detroit Red Wings in the Western Conf Finals *sigh* I know this doesn't mean anything to you all, but, to us, it means that, if Buffalo had beaten Ottawa, we could have actually seen the Stanley Cup Finals live, person without having to do anything but drive to Anaheim. *sob*

Baby Update

So after three weeks of losing/no weight gain, my fat ass has managed to put on 6lb in a freakin week! I didn't even know that was physically possible. It may have been Baby making up for all this time of trying to scare me with his lack of weight gain (or it might be the fact that I mostly spend my afternoons sitting on my butt, eating cookies and watching Oprah), regardless, it made me feel like a big, fat whale. Also, despite my quiet (and pathetically desperate) begging, Dr refuses to induce early since Baby has been so small (and even though he now estimates Baby may be as big as 7 1/2lb at due date). He did go ahead and set up an induction date for me anyway, since I have a history of needing such things. So, if he doesn't come on his own, we are evicting him on the 5th of June. So, at least I have a date to look forward to now. It might not be as soon as I want, but its better than nothing!

J's Cry For Help

Every time Hubs is chasing/tossing/throwing J around she cries out to me, "Ahhh Meee," which, for a long time, I thought was just her trying to say Mommy. As she learned to enunciate more and more Ahh Mee has turned into "Hep Meeee, Hep MEE!." So it turns out that while I was correct in my assumption that J was trying to be rescued, she could really give a crap who was doing the rescuing!

Things Recently Heard at the House on Pu Corner

"Get that goat out of your nose! We do not put farm animals in any of our orifices!"

"Hey, I think my water broke! *pause* False alarm, I just peed myself."

"Sorry I didn't finish my homework, Mom. I was at a bee funeral."

The Power of Commercials

C: *spying an advertisement for latest Pirates of the Caribbean movie* Oooooh, Mommy, I loooove Capt Jack Sparrow.
Me: When did you ever see Pirates of the Caribbean?
C: What's that?

Blah Blah Blah

Weekend Round-up

Sorry I haven't been posting much lately. I feel like I'm just playing the waiting game now, so there isn't actually a whole lot to talk about. Work is boring since I've passed off most of my projects and regular stuff already. Home life is basically the same thing every day as I'm too big to go galavanting about and too lazy to cook or do anything particularly constructive.

Well, we did do some stuff this weekend, I guess. Even though June gloom is in full effect here, we did manage to get a few hours of sun this weekend, and I am totally impressed with how well I'm able to get a tan now. I think Hubs might just be a little jealous! ;) Also, I know you're all as broken up as I am about the Sabres being out of the race for the Stanley Cup. Saturday's overtime loss is just the latest in a long line of Buffalo sports team losses (just try being a Bills fan!). Hubs says I need to learn to "man up" and get over it. It just comes with the territory!

Kidz R Krazy

Poor C. As time goes on I begin to see how she just can't win as the oldest kid. J is just too young to know any better, and C gets caught up doing the stupid things that kids do. Whenever J starts crying, we automatically ask C what happened since J is just too young to be able to articulate her needs (and C generally has the normal kid response of 'I dunno' despite the fact that she is holding J's pacifier over her head and making her jump for it -- little sisters, better than having your own puppy!) Last night C & J were throwing these little plastic balls around her room, and when she got yelled at for it, C's excuse was, "Well, J started it." I think Bill Cosby said it best: parents are not interested in justice, parents are only interested in quiet! :)

Oh, and in case you all were wondering, I finally registered for baby stuff at Barebabies.com. So if ya'll want to, um, you know, buy me presents *cough, cough* that's the place to go! ;)

T to the M to the Motha Freakin' I

Oh and here you thought you were going to get through a whole post of mine without any mention of my pregnancy woes. Nope, I merely saved them for the end in order to lull you all into a false sense of security, mwah hah hah hah hah (clearly this baby needs to come because I have waaay too much time on my hands!) I feel it necessary to let you all know that I have hit that point in my pregnancy where I feel like an overstuffed sausage on a fairly regular basis (which is to say, all the time). Even my arms are fat! I come from a long line of pear-shaped women so when you hit the point where your upper body starts to look chunky, you know you're in trouble! I know I will eventually lose the weight. I managed to successfully lose it after the last two, so I don't see why this one will be any different, but that line of reasoning isn't exactly making me feel much better right now. And it sure doesn't help to think that bathing suit season is upon us and I live in Southern California, the plastic surgery capital of the world!


Also, I am really, really sick of these stupid Braxton-Hicks contractions. First of all, whoever thought of naming them Braxton-Hicks in the first place in an idiot. It is not a self-intuitive name, so every time I mention them to anyone, I then have to explain what they are. For the record, they are pre-labor contractions. Basically your uterus is warming up for the big day. To which I say, Fuck you, uterus! While I understand the point of a good warm up, is it really necessary to warm up for weeks on end. I mean, come on now, at some point you have to actually, you know, engage in the actual work out. Oh, and if you look up BH contractions online, they are described as "mild" and "not as intense" as real labor. Ha ha ha ha ha! Having been through labor twice before, let me tell you, BH contractions suck big donkey balls. They are painful and annoying. It's like having early labor for weeks on end, the fun just never stops!

On top of all that, I have decided to do my damndest to get this kid out of me as soon as possible. One of the ways to naturally induce labor, which seems like it would be more appealing, is to have more frequent sex. Being intimate at 9 mos pregnant is already more like completing some sort of incredible gymnastics feat, it is just more work than it is worth in the end. But, there happens to be some kind of chemical in sperm that helps to naturally induce labor. So, as much as Hubs would like to hide under the couch, I somehow manage to convince him to "help me out" (threats and tantrums are very attractive ;) Here's a typical exchange to make you all feel better about your own sex lives:

Me: Let's get it on, baby
H: Again!!?? Isn't this bad for the baby?
Me: No, now get over here and give me your labor inducing sperm
H: *sarcastically* Wow, I am so turned on right now
Me: Oh look! That's the baby's foot sticking out.
H: Just what every man wants to hear in bed
Me: Hang on, I think I'm having a contraction.
H: *panicking* What like a real contraction??!!
Me: No, just one of those stupid BH contractions. Fuck you, uterus! You hear me? Fuck you! Hey, wait! Where are you going? Come back. I'll be sexy, I promise. Oops, I think my boobs are leaking. Wait! Come baaaaack!

Rockin' the ORI

So the base had their ORI outbrief today, which means the inspection is officially over. I wouldn't even have brought it up, but I had to brag a little about awesome my organization is. Intel got 1 of only 2 Outstanding ratings for the entire base! Plus we had two outstanding performers (they only give those awards to the top 5% of the base, and since we only have a shop of 11 people, that's pretty damn good!). And, we won the professional team award for the base as well. We so totally rock!

Mommy Logic

C: Mommy, you can't change the radio to the talking station because me and J like music and that's two votes to one.
J: Eeeeeee!!!
C: See, that means 'I want music' in J-ese.
Me: Well, since I weigh as much as you and at least three of your sister combined, plus I have a baby in my tummy, it is actually 5 to 2 in favor of NPR so sit back and enjoy Marketplace, kiddo.

Parenting the 8-Year Old

My recent parenting commentary tends to center around toddler-dom, but parenting the 8-year old also yields some interesting observations. For instance, the average 8-year old is not very good at being subtle.

C: *opens snack cupboard and gasps with pure unadulterated joy* We have cheesy poofs??!!
Me: *doesn't look up from paper* Can't pull one over on you
C: *sighs longingly* I loooove cheesy poofs
Me: *still reading* They are tasty
C: *fingers bag lovingly* Cheesy poofs are soooo good
Me: That's why I bought 'em
C: I ate cheesy poofs at school one time with my friend Trevor
Me: Hmm
C: Yes, and they were the bestest snack I ever had!
Me: That's nice, dear
C: Bestest snack ever!
Me: *still reading* Mmm hmm
C: *long pause* Can I have some cheesy poofs?
Me: No

Last Soccer Game of the Season

Irealized on Saturday that I have yet to take pics of C's spring soccer season, so I snapped a few of the kids at her last game of the season (they won). I love how most of pics of C are of her just standing around (reminds me of when I played soccer at her age, hee!). Actually, it's because my camera sucks, and I can't get a good action picture since it has such a long delay. Maybe I'll get a nice, new camera for my birthday this year (I think I've dropped more then a few hints Hubs' way ;)

Still Preggo

So, ultrasound went well today. Baby is back up to 20th percentile all around and looks like he's just destined to be a small baby vs. anything actually being wrong. While I'm thrilled that everything is okay with Baby, I am devastated to still be freaking pregnant!! Hubs was appropriately sympathetic by pointing out that we will still be able to watch the NHL Eastern Conf finals now that it looks like I will still be freaking pregnant for a few more weeks. It may be a bit of an understatement to say that I was not really consoled (esp since our beloved Sabres are now down by 2 games :(

Anyway, I hope all the mommies out there had a good and special day yesterday. I got a book I've been coveting and a (2lb!!) box of See's chocolate. It was a gorgeous day, so we spent most of it outside sunning in the "pool" ;) In addition, Hubs cooked me a fabulous meal of yummy, buttery buffalo wings and fried potatoes (hey, I need to gain that weight, right?!). It was a great day all around. Enjoy the pics, wish I had more to report but I am so exhausted (not getting very much sleep right now).

Boo Work

Back at work *sigh* I thought I'd be a little more excited since I was going out of my mind with boredom at home (but I think most of that was b/c J and I were stuck in the house since I didn't want to risk her starting a pink eye epidemic.) Nope, not excited at all. Now that the ORI is over (well, the inspectors are still on base, but our shop is done with our portion of it), it's kind of like a let down. We've been so frantically busy that it seems really quiet and slow now that all of that fuss is over with. I really shouldn't complain, but having very little to do just makes me want to go home and take a nap rather than sit here at work!

I did have a little *fun* today. I used to do the weekly intel briefing for the Commander's Staff Meetings (these are for a 3-star, 1-star, and more birds than you can count on two hands), but I passed them off to my coworker once I hit the third trimester because you have to get up very early in the morning in order to have everything together in time for the 730 brief. Well, my coworker is TDY to Omaha today (which I had managed to foist off on her due to the fact that I am too preggo to fly, bwa ha ha ha!), so I had to suck it up and attempt to get my frazzled baby brain together and give a coherent brief. All was going well until the very last sentance of my last slide. You know, the one where you tie it all together and give the big impact point. At this crucial moment my brain decided it had done enough work for one day and promptly shut down. Not only did I completely forget what I had planned to say, I also completely forgot the topic I was speaking about. I believe I stammered out something that may have remotely resembled the English language, but I really can't remember since it has now been nearly an hour since, which is plenty of time to have totally forgotten the entire incident in the first place.

TV Land

Okay, seriously, folks, I don't think I can take much more of Lost. What the hell is going on!!?? I need some answers here, people. I think this is worse than when I got sucked into Twin Peaks. I followed that show from beginning to bizarre drug-induced midget hallucination middle to horribly unsatisfying end. And I made a promise to myself that I would never again be taken in by the latest trippy, quasi-intellectual, ooooh how deep can it be? analogy-heavy hit show. I was not going to be left without payoff again. Um, yeah, so we see how long that promise lasted. Damn you, Lost. Damn you all to hell!

Also, the Sabres lost to Ottawa in game 1 of the Eastern Conf Finals :( Boo! For those of you non-hockey fans, Buf and Ott are not only division rivals, they have also had the most spectacular brawls in NHL history! The last time they met, the entire team got into a huge brawl, which included the goalies fighting each other and the coaches coming close to blows themselves! This should be a great series!!

Oh, and isn't this a great season for Survivor? I really thought it was going to suck because there were a lot of dumbasses this year, but things have really turned around over last few weeks. (Go Yau-man!)

Pu's Social Commentary

Don't ask me why I'm so interested in the concept of assisted fertility. Maybe it is because I was once an egg donor myself, but I find the endless debate over using various types of technology to help people conceive fascinating. If you want my personal opinion (of course you do, after all, you're reading my blog!), I really don't like the idea of any governmental interference into people's right to decide what to do with their bodies. I may not personally approve of someone waiting until they're past 40 to start having children, it's also none of my goddamn business what other people decide is right for them. I was listening to my local NPR (KPCC in LA!), and our version of Air Talk aired a great interview with the author of this book, which I found really fascinating. What do you all think about this topic?

Pu's Preggo Commentary

I realize people are just trying to be sympathetic, but is it really necessary for everyone (and I mean everyone from the secretary in my office to the random people I pass on the street) to make some kind of comment about how close I am to having the baby. Do they think that I am somehow not aware of this? Like I'm going to look down at my stomach and say, holy shit! Is that why I've gotten so fat!? I swear, if one more person says, oh you're going to pop any day now (like I am a balloon!) I am going to pop them! If one more person asks me how much longer til the baby comes, I am going to reply that the last time I tried to open up my uterus and ask, the baby didn't respond because it can't freakin' talk yet, so just fuck off! (Ahem, sorry about that, can you tell I'm a little testy today?) Next ultrasound is on Monday; is it terrible of me to hope that the Dr suggests induction at that point?? (still haven't gained any more weight, and I lost a pound at Wed's Dr appt :(

Stir Crazy

So I am going slightly stir crazy here. I'm trying not to base my opinion on what it would be like to be a stay at home mom on these past couple of days, since it is totally different being nine months pregnant and basically unable to do anything other than try to keep up with Hurricane J (isn't it amazing how utterly destructive the average toddler can be in like .2 seconds?), but, seriously, folks, I'm going nuts. I can only say, Want to watch Sesame Street?? in that slightly manic, high-pitched voice so many times before I just give up and sit in the middle of the floor just to try and weather the storm that is J. Today we played a fun game where I tried to guess what kind of food she would eat (she has eaten very, very little since contracting the dreaded pink eye, so I was a little - okay, a lot - more pandering to her desires than I would normally be), and she threw everything I gave her on the floor and said, All Done.

J: All done cookie. *crash* All done chee (cheese). *splat* All done raisa (raisin). *clatter* All done drink. *clunk*
Me: *high pitched, manic voice* Well, what do you want??!!
J: *pause* Mo? *in a sing-song voice* mo chee? mo cookie? mo raisa?
Me: *silently jumps out window*

After this little exchange, she decided it would be more fun to combine all of her food into one big pile and play with it much like you would play with sand in a sandbox while happily singing, mo chee, mo chee, uh oh! Then she would laugh and laugh and smile at me like she couldn't believe I was not finding this as absolutely hilarious as she was. Later we played a game where she buried her head in a pillow and I pretended to be surprised when she popped up by making a loud "Oh!" sound. This lasted for a good 20 minutes and only ended thanks to a fortuitous call from Hubs, which then launched the latest round of Let's Hide Mommy's Cell Phone and Watch Her Frantically Run Around Looking For It Since She Currently Has the Memory of a Fruit Fly.

Pu's Political Commentary

Wow, who would have predicted Paul Wolfawitz was such a jerk-off? (that was heavy sarcasm for anyone who might not be familiar with my political leanings)

Pu's Late Nite Commentary

Hubs and I stayed up a bit last night since I'm still off work today watching J. Its been so long since I was able to keep my eyes open past 9pm that I had forgotten the joys of watching late night infomercials. It took everything I had not to jump on my computer and buy this. (I may or may not be being sarcastic with that one...I'll let you know in a few weeks ;)

Pu's You Tube Commentary

For those of you sans toddlers, you may not be aware of the glut of bizarre childrens programming that has invaded cable television in recent years. I thought the oddity of kids tv had reached its peak with the advent of Bananas in Pajamas (a favorite post-clubbin' show of my ex-roomie and I many years before I joined the military). Boy was I wrong. Even Mickey Mouse has succumbed to the inanity with this post-show wrap-up song. But, these guys have got to be my pick for weirdest shit kids will watch in total rapture for hours on end (unless you are J, in which case it might hold your attention for about 5 seconds). Who doesn't love Bob the Bus Driver?! If childrens programming really kept up with the times, they would look more like this. Had enough You Tube, yet? (hey, you try staying home for two days with the pink eyed bandit at nine months preggo and see how much time you spend on there!)

And I Leave You With This...

Gotta love the LAPD. Not only are they still under investigation by the FBI for racial profiling and an unprovoked beating of a suspect (video if which was posted on You Tube, but I'll spare you all a link to it) just three months ago. Now they're under investigation for gassing and shooting all those peaceful immigration prostestors in MacArthur Park. Ooooh, scary immigrants peacefully marching, singing and protesting with their children in a public park. Thanks, LAPD, I feel much safer now!

Pink Eyed Bandit or Weekend Round-up

In the spirit of MR and AinA, I suppose a weekend round-up is due. I figure this is a good weekend to recap considering it was one of the most exciting in recent memory. Saturday started pretty uneventfully. C had a soccer game (she almost scored a goal but missed by just a few inches), and I took J so she could play at the nearby playground, which meant her nap was pushed to much later in the afternoon. After J got up, we took the kids outside on the back patio and let them play with the fountain (it was the Littlest Pet Shop Pool Party!) because it was so gorgeous outside. Then we dunked them into the tub to wash up. When the girls got out, J was rubbing her eye and whining a little bit. She continued to do this as the evening wore on and also became very lethargic and listless -- definately not the norm for J no matter how tired she might be! I started to get concerned when J kept rubbing her eye and crying and didn't want to do anything but lay in bed and hold her bottle (she didn't want to drink from it, she just wanted to hold it). C claimed that J had poured some water over her head while in the tub, so I thought she might have gotten some foreign object in her eye (and she didn't have a fever), but her behavior was really starting to worry me. We tried putting her down for bed, but she just kept crying, so I finally got her up and put her in bed with C where she fell asleep while C watched cartoons. Hubs and I were really worried, but I didn't want to overreact and rush off to the emergency room if she was just really tired or something, so we decided to let her sleep it off and make a decision in the morning. All night J would sleep for a few hours and then wake up screaming and crying, but she wouldn't open her eyes. I was totally freaked out and I kept picturing all the horrible things that could have happened to her, so, obviously, I didn't sleep that much Sat night since I kept getting up to check on her or comfort her all the while thinking what a horrible mother I was for not being able to figure out what was wrong or do anything to make it better. Finally, on Sunday morning, J didn't want to get out of bed and was still refusing to open her eyes. I managed to pry them open and her right eye was really red and puffy, so I threw on some clothes and we rushed off to the emergency room (Hubs stayed home with C). Luckily the ER is pretty deserted on Sunday mornings, so we were seen fairly quickly. The doc took one look at her and diagnosed pink eye. We were literally there for about two minutes, so I guess I did overreact a little after all! Anyway, I'm home now with the pink-eyed bandit (so dubbed by Hubs since she's recently picked up this ferret-like penchant for picking up random thing like, oh, my keys, my cell phone or the remote and stashing them away for god knows what nefarious purpose). Luckily most of my programs were inspected last week, so my boss wasn't too disturbed by my having to call in for the next 48hrs (pink eye is highly contagious, so I have to keep her out of daycare). J is really back to her old self for the most part, except for the one red eye, so I am just trying to keep up with her today. She absolutely hates getting the eye drops she was prescribed. I don't know if they sting or what, but she gets really upset when I try to give them to her, so I end up having to hold her down and try to pry her eye open so I can get them in there. I think I hate it more than she does!

So, we've put the house on quarantine, and I sent a note to C's school just in case she's contracted it already (she doesn't have any symptoms, thank god). Hopefully, the train stops here and no one else in the house will come down with it. Hope everyone else's weekends were a little less eventful!

Latest Happenin's

I know, I know, you're all tired of hearing it by now, but I am just so sick of the pain. I feel like this is God's big joke on me since I just couldn't wait to get pregnant again. I can't imagine what life is like for people who live with chronic pain. At least there's a light at the end of the tunnel for me. I do have to give a big shout out to my wonderful Hubs, who puts up with me night and day and has had to pick up the slack since I am no longer capable of doing a lot of things. I seriously lost it the other day. The IG had started and things didn't seem to be going so well (we've since wrapped up with a lot of my programs and I got a coin -- a traditional military way of rewarding someone for a job well done -- and we also got complimented on how what a well run shop we have, especially considering out personnel turnover rate -- we are at about 36% manning!); I also woke up on Monday with what appeared to be a third eye in the middle of my forehead (I later discovered it was just a zit); then I discovered I had developed a medical condition that all pregnant women dread but no one ever wants to talk about (let's just say it was on my heinie and it was excruciatingly painful!). All these things combined with the sciatica and the fact that my once sweet and snuggable little baby girl has suddenly turned into this, and, well, I just lost it. I think I had a complete and total mental breakdown. Poor Hubs found me in the tub soaking my sore ass and sobbing uncontrollably. I think I just needed to have a good cry and let out all the frustration because I am feeling a little better now. Also, I broke down and said screw the $$ factor and have started getting a massage 1x a week. It is really more than I should be spending, but it makes a huge difference in my ability to walk and perform other normal, daily functions, so I guess it is worth it in the end!

In other news, I was perusing one of my favorite sites for workout DVDs when I came across this. While I found the idea of it hilarious, I have to wonder what the reaction would be if it were titled, The Fat Ass Wife Workout.

Second best commercial ever! I do stuff like that all the time! :)

More Baby News

I meant to post this the other day, but we have been so frantic at work with our IG prep that I have barely had a chance to breathe much less do anything else! I went to see my perinatal specialist (PS) on Wednesday and the news was not as good as I would have liked. The baby is not growing at the rate her is supposed to. Prior to this ultrasound he was measuring at the 30th percetile; at this ultrasound his head was measuring at the 20th percentile and his stomach at only the 10th percentile. According to PS, the first sign that baby is not getting enough nutrients from the placenta is in the growth of the stomach area, so that is not a good sign. Also, although I didn't lose any weight, I also didn't gain any in the last two weeks. This is also a bad thing when you are as far along as I am.

This is precisely what happened with J, so they are going to start keeping an even closer eye on me than they have been. It is a little disappointing since everything seemed to be going so well, but we knew this was a possibility with my history. The difference this time around is that we were aware of the problem and monitored for it, so there are no surprises. With J, it was such a shock to hear that something might be wrong and to be forced to be induced on that very same day in a hospital in nowhere Japan with no NICU was very scary. Here we are in a city with some of the best health care in the nation available to us. I live within a 20min drive of three different hospitals, all with NICUs. Plus, baby is already weighing just about what J weighed when she was born, so he is already at a weight where he has an excellent chance of survival outside of the womb. So even though it wasn't the news we wanted to hear, I am feeling okay about the whole situation. PS said to take it easy (ha!) and to try not to lift J or other heavy objects and to rest as much as possible on my left side so that the baby can get as much oxygen as possible.

So that's where we're at right now. I just wanted to give everyone a heads up since, if things don't improve in the next couple of weeks, it looks like we may have to induce early with this one, too. Maybe if I eat a lot of ice cream baby will start to put on weight? ;)

They're Meaty, What, What!

**Warning: TMI Ahead**

Okay, I seriously wanted to do a funny post about pregnancy, really I did, but I just can't seem to muster up my sense of humor lately. Maybe it's because the baby has dropped and how there is a 1lb baby head wedged in my pelvis so I (literally) waddle around rocking from side to side like a Weeble Wobble. Or maybe it's because I have a pinched nerve in my back so that when I get up to pee for the 15th time during the night I (again, literally) have to crawl to the bathroom on my hands and knees because I can't put any weight on my left leg. Or maybe it's because I now have to wear panty liners just in case I happen to sneeze, cough, or laugh too hard and have an *ahem* leakage problem. Or maybe it's because it has become so difficult to shave my legs that I have resorted to bizarre methods of hair removal in order to avoid bending over (hence the Nair debacle). Or maybe it's because I lumber around so slowly that my 1 1/2 year old can easily out run me, knows this, and delights in doing so since she thinks it is all a big funny game to make Mommy chase her around trying to get her to put her diaper on.

I am recording all this now in the hopes that the next time I say I want to have a baby Hubs knocks me upside the head and reminds me of how miserable I was for the last two months of this pregnancy since God seems to think it's really funny to make women forget about the excruciating pain they go through within hours of giving birth (I guess he has to otherwise who in their right mind would ever give birth more than once!)


Thought I'd share what currently passes for humor in my house:

J: Yuck!
Me: What's yuck?
J: Poop
C & J: Hahahahahaha
J: Ew!
Me: What's ew?
J: *makes farting noise*
C&J: Hahahaha hahahaha hahahaha

C recently taught J how to make loud farting noises with her mouth, and they both think this is the most hilarious thing in the world. Bathtime has become Dueling Fart Noise time in our household despite my repeated attempts to nip it in the bud. Of course, it doesn't help that I also happen to think farting is pretty damn funny, so I'm sure my giggling along doesn't exactly inspire them to stop. I guess I should be greatful that they're just making rude noises and not trying to stick crayons in their butts (Y - I'm looking at you ;).

I seriously love this commercial.

C has recently become very interested in anatomy. I think this is both a product of her age and the fact that I am having another baby. She has started expressing curiosity about my giganto boobs (she confided that Trevor, the "bad boy" of her class, looked up the word breast in the dictionary. Apparently this is extremely funny to the average 2nd grader.) So I, being the liberated woman I am, decided to go out and buy her every book about female anatomy they have on Amazon. Now, I don't know about you all, but when I was growing up, we had My Body, My Self and that was about it. So I was totally shocked to find out there are about 1 million books about all kinds of anatomical issues I had never even thought to address. Here's a few of my favorites:

Who's Knees Are These? (Is this seriously a problem for some kids?)

The Truth About Poop (He works for the NSA. He's actually a member of the Priore of Scion. He's a transvestite hooker who regularly appears on Jerry Springer!...don't ask me why I think of poop as a he...)

You Can't Taste a Pickle With Your Ear (This one is actually pretty good advice considering C once shoved a daisy so far up her nose it took a trip to the doctor to remove it)

But this is my favorite.

Fear me, for I have learned to link!!

Random Musings and Another Dilemma

Why does this pregnancy seem like it is so much physically harder on me than my last two? According to my dr it is b/c:
#1 I have gained more weight with this pregnancy already than I did with Jocelyn altogether (I also started at a very low weight, so my body isn't used to carrying all this extra poundage around.)
#2 I have a toddler this time around, so I am bending over a lot more and carrying her around, which is an extra 20lb on top of the rest of the weight I have gained.
#3 This is baby #3! My body is simply giving out from all the abuse I've put it through.

Me: So, what you're saying is that there's really nothing I can do about the fact that it takes me a good 10 minutes just to get out of bed in the morning?
Dr: Yes, that's right. You just have to suffer through the pain and act like nothing is wrong since you still have to work and be a mom and there is nothing you can do about it. Ha ha ha ha ha (okay, maybe I imagined the sinister laugh at the end)
Me: You suck


In other baby news, the head is down and I'm experiencing Braxton-Hicks contractions (I had these for a month b4 C was born, so they're nothing to me but an extra pain in the ass, literally!): however, the cervix is still closed and the baby is measuring and weighing at his proper age so I will most likely go to around my due date. I can't decide if this is a good thing or a bad thing.


Don't use Nair. It sucks.


I want a Peg Perego Duette stroller. I also want to keep my new boobs. I am shit out of luck.


Dilemma #2 or Why Do These Things Keep Happening to Me:
So, I get this e-mail today from C's bio dad that he wants to fly C up to the Emerald City for a few days over 4th of July weekend. As you all know, he just saw her for the 1st time in 3 years last weekend, and he hasn't exactly been a huge part of her life since we left the EC in 2003. Additionally, I don't get child support (never pushed for it since I make 3x what he makes) or any other monetary support from him and never have. He's never put one red cent towards her care. I never really pursued the issue since, like I said, I make a heck of a lot more money than he does, and I didn't see the point in putting him in the poor house when I didn't really need the money. Now I'm beginning to feel a little annoyed since he has also asked to have her over her birthday. Where is all this $$ coming from that he can now ask to see her 3x in one year? For the last 3 years he's been telling me that he didn't have any $$ to help out, and I know he still has the same job and same apartment. I realize we're somewhat closer now than we were before, but I had offered him chances in the past to see C on my dime (most notably when my most wonderful parents came to my rescue and watched C for me while I attended ASBC for 6 weeks a few years back) and he was "unable" to take me up on any of those offers. Also, I feel slightly uncomfortable with the whole situation now. C idolizes her bio father; he has become this imaginary figure who can come and rescue her whenever Mommy is being mean. I'm scared that he's going to come back into her life only to have to leave it again, and I know that would devestate her. Or maybe I just feel threatened. In fact, I think I do, but I'm not sure why. So, what should I do? Should I let her go (even though it terrifies me to think about putting her on a plane by herself, she's certainly old enough to do so now. And I recall doing the same thing at about her age when I went to visit my grandparents in CT.)? Should I question him about the whole finances thing? I also kind of feel bitter about that. While I certainly make more $$, I also have a family to support and it doesn't seem fair that T and I support my step-kids financially while C's bio dad offers nothing for her care. Or is that kind of petty? It's not so much the actual $$ as it is the prinicple of the thing. I didn't care that he wasn't giving her any financial support b/c he wasn't really giving her any kind of support! Now he wants to be a bigger part of her life, so is it right for me to ask him to essentially pay for the priviledge? Have I mentioned that being a parent is hard?


Also, I should never be allowed to post in a short timeframe. My last post is so riddled with spelling and grammar errors, I'm surprised anyone was able to grasp its meaning.

Dilemma Update

I wanted to post quickly to thank everyone who weighed in on my dilemma from last week. After our little exchange on Monday, I think BS realized how upset I was and didn't say another word about C for the rest of the week. Since she's only there on a very infrequent basis, I ended up deciding it wasn't worth it to possibly offend BS when really I can just avoid the issue by finding other care for Caitlyn when need be. In other C news, she saw her biological father for the first time in three years this last weekend. He came for two days and C stayed with him during that time. It was really bizarre for all of us. Hubs and I were kind of looking forward to having a C break, but we ended up bickering all day on Saturday and J is acting like a brat all day, so we end up not enjoying it at all. Finally, Hubs notes that we are all out of sorts b/c are family is out of whack w/o C around. We really missed her! Happily, she came back all in one piece, sad but seemingly normal and she doesn't appear to have been too affected by this whirlwind visit. I was very worried that we would be experiencing emotional outbursts or other behavioral problems following his visit, but it seems that I should have been more concerned about J as she is the one who has been a real cranky pants for the last couple of days (I think it is a combination of teething - her last baby teeth are coming in - and hitting a growth spurt - she has also been sleeping a lot as of late). A cranky 1 year old is no fun to be around!

Oh, and I totally meant to post this earlier, but I wanted to give a shout to to my big sis and my girl Susanne who sent me clothes for various kids. We so appreciate having such wonderful people in our life!

Pics of the Girls

Dilemma

I feel I should preface this next post with some serious background info. My babysitter (let's call her BS, shall we) is an elderly woman. Old enough that she has children who are clearly old enough to be my parents (two of whom still live at home, which, I've come to learn, is not all that uncommon here in So Cal), and she is quite set in her ways and firm in her opinions. I am never right. If Jocelyn is constipated, it is not because she is eating too much dairy, as I proclaim after adjusting her diet and noticing a significant reduction in rabbit pellet diapers, it is because BS has been giving her more raisins. If I am extra pale, it is not because I haven't been tanning for the last 8 months of my pregnancy, it is because I am not getting enough water. Now, as annoying as this is, BS also has a lot of good attributes that sort of balance everything out. For one, she is cheap. No, I mean, really, really cheap. Average care in LA for a non-potty trained child will run you about $1000/mo. BS charges me $600/mo and she throws in free weekend sitting pretty much whenever I need/want it. Also, and more importantly, she looooves Jocelyn. I know that when I leave Jocelyn in her care that she is being as well tended to as I could give her myself, and I feel 100% confident that BS loves her like she loves her own children. And that counts for A LOT!

However, on occasion, I have to ask BS to watch Caitlyn for me as well. Caitlyn is obviously much older than the children BS usually has (they range from newborns to about pre-school age and come on different days and times, I think Jocelyn is actually the only full-time child she has on a daily basis), and, in my personal opinion, I don't think BS likes Caitlyn very much. This is highly unusual, as Caitlyn is a definate charmer with adults, and all of her teachers/coaches/rec leaders, etc. are always telling me how much they adore Caitlyn and love having her around. This week is Spring Break for the kiddos, so I asked BS to watch Caitlyn full-time for the week since it would have cost me $200 to have her go to the Parks and Rec camp (she goes to the Parks and Rec afterschool care, which is a reasonable $250/quarter), plus it is a lot easier on me to have the girls both in one place for pick ups and drop offs. So, yesterday I swing by BS's after work to pick up the girls. I innocently ask if the girls were well behaved only to get the "stern" look from BS...

BS: Well, Jocelyn was an angel, as usual. But, this one (pointing at Caitlyn, who is standing next to the door with her head down looking very sad)... She's a problem child.
Me: What happened?
BS: Well, so and so came by to tell me she has decided not to go back to work so she won't be needing my services any more. So Caitlyn then asks her why she came by at all.
*pause*
Me: And...
BS: And, that's it. It was so rude of her, and so and so was just stunned by it.
*pause*
Me: I'm not sure I'm getting this. What did Caitlyn say?
BS: She asked so and so why she came to the house.
*pause*
Me: And this was rude?
BS: This was very rude and you should really talk to her about it. She says rude things like that all the time and she needs to understand that you can't talk to adults like that.
*pause*
Me: Hmmm
BS: And, she is very mean to her sister.
Me: Hmmm

Now, Caitlyn is standing right next to us during this entire exchange! I am thinking to myself that this is a serious overreaction on BS's part since kids say dumb things all the time and they certainly don't mean anything rude by it, and clearly BS is getting that impression because she then shoots this look to her daughter (a total mini-BS who is also a nurse and therefore thinks she can diagnose me every time I happen to see her) as if to say "See, I told you she wouldn't do anything about it." Then BS rolled her eyes (rolled her eyes!!!) and threw her hands up in the air.

Me: Okay, girls, it's time to go.

So I did manage to get out of there without strangling her, which I was very, very proud of. Maybe it's because I am 8 mos preggo and I am stuck in bitchland regardless of what's going on around me, or maybe it's because some variation of this exchange happens every time I take Caitlyn over there, but I am really, really, really pissed off! Am I overreacting here? I feel like BS does not like Caitlyn and always has something bad to say about her whenever I take her over there. I know Caitlyn is not the perfect child, but she is a sweet and loving little girl (and she 100% adores her little sister!) and it really, really bothers me to have BS say not so nice things about her every single time I take her over there. Especially since I don't really see anytign wrong with Caitlyn's behavior. She's a normal 8-year old, sometimes she says dumb things, sometimes she's a little selfsh and would rather play with a toy herself than give it to her sister (who doesn't understand sharing yet and almost always gets her way since she's the baby), but that doesn't make her a bad kid and she doesn't deserve to feel like she's always doing the wrong thing or that she's going to get in trouble every time she has to go to BS's. Grrrr...

Okay, so after all that, my true dilemma is that I'm not sure how to deal with this situation. On the one hand, I don't want Caitlyn to get the impression that I don't believe BS or give credence to her complaints because I want Caitlyn to respect all adults, and I certainly don't want her to think that she can start getting away with anyting just because she doesn't get punished based on the report I get from BS. On the other hand, I don't even want to take Caitlyn over to BS's any more because I feel like it's a toxic environment for her. And on the third hand (I totally just made that expression up), I can't afford to hire another babysitter and I love how BS takes care of Jocelyn. So I'm stuck in a serious, um, dilemma if you will (like how I tied it all back to the title of my post--I am so freaking clever!). How do I handle this situation? Do I continue to ignore BS when she says things to try and get Caitlyn in trouble or do I fork out the cash I don't really have to find another sitter for Caitlyn during those times she needs it in order to avoid the situation altogther? Is there another solution I am missing? Have I completely lost my mind to end-of-pregnancy bitchdom? Tune in for next week's post: why public bathrooms piss me off.

Bunny Day

So I totally posted this at MR's blog as a comment, but then I thought I'd kill two birds with one stone and post here for you all to enjoy as well. (BTW, never use that expression in front of your 8 year old who loves animals and can't understand that you are not literally killing anything!)

Anyways, here's a run down of our Easter:
It was a little wet here (its been like 80 degrees for the last two weeks and suddenly it drops into the 60s and gets foggy for the holidays, go figure), so we did our egg hunt inside. Jocelyn had an enormous meltdown just as we were starting the egg hunt, so I tried to distract her by showing her how to open the eggs and get the candy. BIG mistake! She proceeded to open half of Caitlyn's eggs and shove as many jelly beans as she could get into her mouth at one time. Then, when I tried to pry them out, she started screaming and dribbled all the half eaten jellybeans onto my white carpet. Note to self: holiday festivities should always be planned as post-naptime activities regardless of how early in the morning it is. Also, 1 1/2 year olds are really too young for Easter egg hunts no matter how cute it may seem to you as a parent. *sigh* On the other hand, Caitlyn was thrilled because I decided Jocelyn was too young to eat any of her candy, so she got double! Best Easter Ever, Mom! ;)

Dad arrived at about 1pm, his flight was delayed a bit, and I made a traditional Seder feast of chicken fricasse, asparagus, and buttered noodles (um, okay, so maybe it wasn't very traditional after all), which was silly since we were celebrating Easter. But, it was either that or lasagna, so no one complained! :) Dad "whipped" us up some deviled eggs (I am unable to stand the smell of eggs and refuse to make them in any form, so Tim was overjoyed that he was finally able to get some), which were a big hit. Jocelyn ate almost three whole eggs and was begging for more when I finally cut her off! I also made a really fab-u chocolate mousse, which was awesome because it is made totally in the blender and took all of about 5 minutes to prepare. I was very impressed. Oh, and I got to watch Banned from the Bible II (the only time I get to watch the history channel is when one of my parents is here and we out-vote Tim ;) All in all, it was a pretty low-key day with good food and good company. I'll post some pics of the girls once I get them downloaded from the camera and I find one where Jocelyn is not either: A. crying, B. shoveling jellybeans into her mouth, or C. Not looking anywhere even close to the camera so that all you can see is the side of her head. Hope you all had a good bunny day!

Warrior Moms are Cool

Okay, so I know I said I was going to skip Caitlyn's presentation this week, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. If people at work are resentful that I took a lot of time off of work this week, they'll have to live (I mentioned to Caitlyn that I might not be able to make it and she got really upset, so I figured it was better to disappoint my coworkers than my daughter!). I got there a few minutes early and Caitlyn was visiting with the school counselor (she meets with her regularly), so I ended up hanging out with her classmates for a bit. And I was quite the hit, if I say so myself ;) I went straight from work so, of course, I was in uniform, which the kids totally freaked out about. LA is not exactly a military town. In fact, most people here have no idea there is even a base anywhere in the city. So I wasn't surprised by the reaction I got. So while we were waiting for Caitlyn to get back, her teacher let the kids ask me some questions about my job...

"Are you in the Army?"
"Have you ever driven a plane?"
"Have you ever killed anyone?"
"Do you get to carry a gun?"
"Do you get scared at your work?"

It was pretty funny, cute, and a little disturbing at the same time (one little boy asked me, "Isn't there a war going on?" and a lot of the kids seemed confused by this. I guess their parents don't talk to them about it at home very much.)

Anyway, Caitlyn got back and did her presentation (I think I was more of a hinderance than a help, since she got stage fright and didn't want to do it in front of me), and it was really cute. The best part is when the kids left for recess, and I overheard one of the little boys in her class tell her that her mom was cool. Yeah, that's right. I am a cool mom. Okay, so its mostly the uniform, but I'll take what I can get!

Things Just Keep Getting Better

Sorry for all these "poor me" posts, but things just don't seem to be looking up for me. Now that Tim and Caitlyn have recovered, I am suffering from a bad head cold and Caitlyn was sent home from school yesterday with a fever. School policy dictates that kids who have a fever over 100 have to stay home for 24 hours, so I'm home watching her today. This might actually be a good thing, except that I took off early yesterday afternoon (before I got the call about Caitlyn) because I was feeling so badly. So now I'm missing another day of work. I also have a dr's appt on Thus, and I was hoping to go see Caitlyn present her ancestor report to her class (cause you know all the stay at home moms will be showing up for their kids' presentations with family photos and tons of homemade snacks) but I can't afford to take that much time off of work. The ORI is less than 4 weeks away! *sob* Anyway, this whole pity party is really just a lead in to tell you all that I might not be posting as much over the next month or so. I promise I have not died or fallen off the face of the earth, and I am still reading your blogs, so keep that in mind when you write nasty things about me ;)